Janet McNeill

I expect there are some readers who already “get,” along w. me, that gratitude is a powerful – even transformative – force. And perhaps many who dismiss it.

Whatever! You can lead a horse to water, as they say, but you cannot make it drink…

For me, gratitude is something that comes up for me again & again, because I think it is a wildly important thing for all of us to practice faithfully. Heads filled with appreciative thoughts tend to lose their negative ones, & how can the world around us not benefit from that?

Anyway, rather than start repeating things I’ve already said about gratitude in other postings, here is a list of the ones that focus partly or exclusively on the phenomenon of gratitude. Here they are, in alphabetical order & reached easily by using the links:

• Ditching the Poverty Mentality
• Gratitude: A How To
• Gratitude: It’s Magic!
• Hoarding & the More-More-More Disease
• Joanna Macy Invites us to “Show Up!”
• Loaves & Fishes
• My Most Prized Possessions
• Radical Gratitude
• Speaking of Gratitude…
• The Magical Things
• Transformation Now! (Why Wait??)
• Wealth: nothing whatsoever to do with money
• What We Focus on, Expands

Janet

P.S. Gratitude is even actually pretty much a radical act in this odd rapacious culture of ours. As Joanna Macy has pointed out, “Thankfulness loosens the grip of the industrial growth society by contradicting its predominant message: that we are insufficient and inadequate. The forces of late capitalism continually tell us that we need more – more stuff, more money, more approval, more comfort, more entertainment. The dissatisfaction it breeds is profound. It infects people with a compulsion to acquire that delivers them into the cruel, humiliating bondage of debt. So gratitude is liberating. It is subversive. It helps us realize that we are sufficient, and that realization frees us. Elders of indigenous cultures have retained this knowledge, and we can learn from their practices.” [World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice & Ecological Renewal, Joanna Macy, Parallax Press, 2007.]

Quote of the day w. this post:

“Just to live is holy. To be is a blessing.” – Rabbi Abraham Heschel

Here’s a neat blog site to check out!

http://annehansen.wordpress.com/

Anne Hansen is a painter, oystercatcher fanatic (lots about oystercatchers on her other blog site, to which you can link from the one above) & phenomenal letter writer. She writes letters on behalf of Amnesty International, & she also writes great letters to that hopeless prime minister of ours (he’s so hopeless I am not using capital letters to describe him, even), stephen harper (my darn Word program is trying hard to make me use capital letters for his name, but I am resisting fiercely!!).

Anne is also a friend of mine. As I like to point out from time to time, I sure do know how to pick my friends!!

I’m feeling a wee bit dreary of late. Reasons not important & for sure, the awful cough I have at the moment isn’t helping much.

But reading of Anne’s articulate letters to that dreary so-called leader of our beloved country (Canada, by the way) makes me feel a bit cheerier, & a bit more like taking action, & encouraging others to do so as well.

I also want to thank Anne publicly (since I forgot to do so privately) for telling me about that brilliant Yann Martel book called What is Stephen Harper Reading? I highly recommend it. Martel is very wise & witty & we should all be reading those books he’s suggested to our lame duck pm.

Go ahead & read “Oystercatcher’s commentaries on birds, bicycles, art, defense of the planet…& more.” It’s bound to leave you feeling fired up & inspired!

Janet

Quote of the day w. this post:

“A citizen’s job is to keep his mouth open.” - Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop chain of stores.

I’ve known for some time now that wonderful things often grow out of seriously cruddy ones; in fact, come to think of it, maybe that’s what my “graduate work” (i.e., my adult life) has really been all about. I keep seeing over & over again how the most seemingly un-fertile & cruddy & horrible circumstances often lead to great growth & breakthroughs & learning.

I was on my lovely long walk today, joking to myself that I’ve failed Relationships 101 through 510 – at least! And as I said to someone recently, I’ve surely earned a Ph.D. in Loneliness along the way. There has been a fair bit of it.

But I also have Ph.D’s in Joy, Gratitude, Friendship & Adaptability. These more than compensate for the bad bouts of loneliness I sometimes suffer.

My life hasn’t been (& isn’t) much like the lives of most of the people I know. Mine has more change, less predictability, probably more adventure & freedom – and maybe a similar amount of angst? (I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have angst. We all have our fears & hopes, frustrations & pain, disappointments & losses… And loneliness…).

I’ve been poking my nose lately in a very lovely book called Being with Dying – Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death, by Joan Halifax. She shares many, many pearls of insight and wisdom.

She points out that “the roots of the pure white lotus are buried deep in the pond’s dark mud,” and that the mud “nurtures and feeds the lotus, making it possible for the flower to open in splendor to the sun.”

Isn’t that a beautiful (& comforting) thing?

Mud & muck make things grow. Certainly lots of the grand adventures & fun I’ve had in, oh, the past 14 years or so, arrived after a pretty dark time in a very muddy swamp. Of course I had to take a little time to haul my a-se over to the side of the swamp before any… Hmmm. That isn’t true. Even in the very middle of the swamp(s), I took (and take) quite a bit of joy in some things – small things & “bigger” ones too.

Well. I guess everything is really all mixed up together, isn’t it? The “good” things and the “bad” things. It’s all a great big beautiful messy stew.

I know it’s going to be a comfort to remind myself often, lotus flowers actually grow out of mud.

Janet

P.S. You’d be wise to pick up a copy of Being with Dying – Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death, if you yourself are dealing with dying.

P.P.S. As I’ve mentioned in other essays, I find Buddhist thought very helpful & inspiring. If I were a little more practiced at it, I would never even use the terminology of “wonderful” things & “cruddy” ones. There really isn’t a need to judge things. They just are as they are…as the Buddhists say. But I think most readers probably understand quite well what I mean…

P.P.P.S. Broken Open – How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow, by Elizabeth Lesser, is, of course, another great book to read on this topic. I’ve mentioned this wonderful book in several blog posts. “Broken, or Broken Open?” is one you can find in the blog’s alphabetical Index. “Lonely & Terrified: Just Another Bozo on the Bus” is another…as is “Permission to FEEL Our Feelings.” Ms. Lesser is a treasure…

<Jan. 19/10>

Yikes! Hard to know where to begin with this one, hmm? There’s so darn much bullshit (B.S.) on the planet, we’re practically drowning in the stuff…

I was relating to a friend of mine the other night my concept of the BQ – the Bullshit Quotient. I came up with this idea in a corporate environment I worked in some years ago (actually, the only corporate environment in which I’ve ever worked, & maybe there’s some connection between my articulation of the BQ & my very short corporate “career,” but let’s leave that for another day, shall we?)

Barb & I had a pretty good laugh about “The BQ,” & about the whole idea of bullshit. We even came up with a concept for a very not chicken-soup-for-the-soul kind of book which, we decided, would be very un-circumspect, & I said something very rude about circumspect-ness, since I am fatally tired of being circumspect (although anyone reading this who knows me at all well is saying “Janet? Circumspect??? I don’t really think so….”).

Well.

24 hours later, crazily enough, didn’t my daughter hand me the gift of a teeny-tiny book called On Bullshit (by Harry G. Frankfurt, “renowned moral philosopher” & Professor of Philosophy Emeritus at Princeton, no less) that opens up with these lines:

“One of the most salient features of our culture is that there is so much bullshit. Everyone knows this. Each of us contributes his share. But we tend to take the situation for granted. Most people are rather confident of their ability to recognize bullshit and to avoid being taken in by it. So the phenomenon has not aroused much deliberate concern, nor attracted much sustained inquiry.

In consequence, we have no clear understanding of what bullshit is, why there is so much of it, or what functions it serves.”(1)

And so on.

Quelle coincidence!!

This morning, an amusing & wonderful thought occurred to me: Wouldn’t it be grand if, when confronted with one instance or another of bullshit (our society/culture/civilization (using the term rather loosely) & working lives/personal lives are just plain chockfull of it, are they not??), we just said firmly & clearly,

“Bullshit!!”

And developed a zero tolerance policy for the stuff.

Goodness me, isn’t this a marvelous idea??

You see, another thought I’d come up with this morning – with respect to relationships & how they work (& more importantly how often they don’t) is that, like compost (always a fertile metaphor), relationships need aerating. They need air. Air & space & opening.

Appreciation, acceptance & apologies are, to my way of thinking, excellent, awesome, necessary methods of keeping relationships aerated.

Without acceptance, appreciation & occasional apologies, our relations with people can grow stale & dark, cramped & dull. Maybe even hostile.

And maybe, just maybe, if we all instituted a zero tolerance policy toward bullshit, & started calling out “Bullshit!” every time we encountered some (or “Bullshit Alert!!” or even “Modam [said in a very snooty British tone], I am vedy vedy sorry, but the BQ has already been exceeded here today,” we could transform our relationships – & our society – and surely to goodness, wouldn’t that be a wonderfully welcome development?

Okay, okay, I know. Silly old me. But you have to admit, it’s a rather fun thought, isn’t it?

Janet

<Oct. 1/09>

I’ve just come away for a 2-week writing “retreat.” When I’m at home, a lot of things distract me from focusing on writing as much as I’d really like to – and that’s okay, because they’re all good things, really – worthwhile things – lots of volunteer work, socializing, occasional paying work – but from time to time, I need to get away.

I’m staying in a to-die-for, wonderful place – a large, beautiful home surrounded by trees, with tons of big windows that let in plenty of natural light, right beside the Crowe River in eastern Ontario, Canada. I’m feeling pretty much as though I’ve died & gone to Heaven, actually. (Thank you, thank you, thank you, Larraine & Peter!!!!!)

Human nature is a funny thing. Instead of being fully, 100% present in this beautiful setting, I found myself this morning thinking, “Boy, I wish it was four weeks I’m here for. I’ll have to come another time and stay longer.”

That more, more, more virus that infects us, hmm? And keeps us from being here, now, enjoying & being grateful for each & every moment – right now.

Well, at least I caught myself at this early on here (Day 1). I’m getting a little better at nipping that kind of thing in the bud.

Another thing that came up for me this morning was our hoarding tendency. I think an awful lot of us do an awful lot of hoarding. I’ve been noticing this for a pretty long time now. I recall an incident from many years ago when I was volunteering at a food bank. The shelves were nearly empty and it was clearly time to use the considerable amount of money that had been donated by people keen to support the food bank – to buy food. The woman in charge was reluctant to dip into this money (I think some had been put in a GIC or some darn thing). I was pretty much apoplectic about this. Being reluctant to spend on food the money that had been donated for food?? For people who are hungry? I mean…yikes!?

I’ve seen this phenomenon at work over & over again – in individuals, community groups (even church groups) and I’m pretty sure it’s hugely present among politicians and corporate hotshots & even (or perhaps especially) some people who are ridiculously well off.

In other words, it seems to be human nature. It isn’t rational. It arises out of fear, presumably – fear that there isn’t enough. Never, never, never quite enough.

(I must hasten to point out that it was a personal little hoarding episode of my own this morning that got me twigged to these thoughts, motivating this little essay.)

So, yes, I’ve done it, and do it.

You too, I bet.

We all do it, I reckon, hmm?

We’re pretty silly critters, aren’t we?

I could get airy-fairy with you now & tell you that the Universe is a wildly abundant place, and that when we drop our customary fear-based thinking (i.e., our poverty mentality) and place our faith in this amazing abundance, miracles begin to happen.

And it is, & they do.

But I know lots of people wouldn’t “buy” that. At one time, I wouldn’t have bought it myself. Especially when I was feeling as though the rug had been violently pulled out from underneath me (it had! In the form of an unexpected, unwanted marriage breakup).

But that’s precisely when I began to “get” it. I had that “Aha!” moment that made me initiate my daily, active practice of gratitude for what I had, and stop focusing so obsessively on what I’d lost.

Gratitude is magical, and transformative, and most (if not all) indigenous cultures have always understood this and have lived accordingly.(1)

It’s the fear, and the poverty mentality, and the more-more-more disease that are killing our beautiful planet and our (often beautiful) selves as a species.

It might be too late for us, you say – and I agree. It may very well be too late to save ourselves (the Earth it/herself will survive, and heal, no doubt much sooner, without our troublesome presence here).

Even more of a reason, if you ask me, to drop the more-more-more nonsense, and the hoarding, and be here now and actively appreciate and enjoy the very great abundance that most people reading this essay very likely possess. The abundance, and the privilege.(2)

Oh goodness me – I could go on & on here. This is all so very, very fundamental.

But let me go back to making it personal, shall we?

When I caught the gratitude ‘virus,’ my life began to turn around. More & more wonderful things began to happen. Life became ever richer and fuller – and money and possessions had nothing whatsoever to do with it. I’ll also point out that, at the time, I was doing a pretty horrid factory job, for starvation wages. I didn’t feel too enormously privileged in that respect, although even then I knew to be grateful to have a job that did help put food on the table…

Before I got into the gratitude habit, I seldom felt that “full to bursting” feeling – of joy and gratitude – and energy – and wonderful potential – that I so often feel now.

Quel paradox!! When we “let go” of the more-more-more graspy-ness, more & more & more things come along to enrich our lives.

Now, as I may have pointed out elsewhere, I am not, I think, what you would call a hugely selfish person. I try pretty hard to harness my energy for unselfish purposes. Lots of volunteer work, not very much paying work, lots of “living more with less” – and voilà – I’m one of the happiest people I know – and often feel very, very rich indeed.

I’ve also long feared/believed the world is “going to hell in a handbasket.” But I’ve spent the last 20 years working passionately to ensure a different kind of outcome. And in very fine company, I might add! There are tons of environmental and social justice activists, and writers and singers and painters and lawyers & teachers – working their butts off to make this world a better, safer, healthier place for all of us.

And we have, and we do, and we are.

And the work is its own reward.

And even supposing I prove to have an as-yet-undiagnosed illness (one never knows, does one, when such an eventuality may come to pass?), and even suppose the human race has a terminal disease (all too likely, I’m afraid) – that still doesn’t change the fundamentals of how I conduct my life.

I’ll still operate on gratitude for what is(3) – I’ll still be an environmental activist & writer (& Mom!), because these are the things that really “turn my crank,” as they say – and I’ll still do my best to enjoy every moment, and every day, and not to take it for granted (à la Kurt Vonnegut, who wants us all to say as often as possible, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”)

And I’ll keep right on living my life as if it matters, and, as I have done increasingly for the past three years especially, with a concerted effort to live from the in-side out, rather than the outside in – trusting in my instincts and intuitions and inner guidance – and hanging out with a whole host of the most incredibly awesome people, to boot.

I ask you, can life really get any better than that??

Janet

P.S. & yes, admittedly, I will probably still have occasional attacks of the more-more-more & hoarding disease, because I am, after all, merely human….

P.P.S. Along with as-yet-unpublished book entitled Letters to Rebecca: Musings on motherhood…& feminism & patriarchy & female/male relationships & the state of the world… I’ve written another as-yet-unpublished book called Letters to My Daughters, in which I’ve given my girls several “life suggestions.”

One of them goes like this: “Don’t hoard! Your intelligence, your energy, your passion/compassion – your money. Be wildly generous with all of them. The Universe will reward you abundantly, I promise!!”(4)

And it is so, it is so….

<August 18/09>

I’ve written before about the wisdom of “expecting the unexpected,” and I try, I try!

The problem with expecting the unexpected is that the things that happen are always so bloody…unexpected…that you can’t possibly prepare for them.

I’ve had a lot of unexpected things happen in the past, oh, 13 months or so.

Hmmm. I guess I’m always having unexpected things happen, aren’t I?? I’d better not even get started here, or this little essay will turn into a book…

Today, these unexpected things have happened:

Turns out my brother & sister-in-law are coming a day earlier than expected and will be staying overnight, not just dropping by for half an hour, and I’m running around here like the proverbial chicken, getting ready for my imminent move (2 weeks today) – & there’s the trip to my sister’s cottage tomorrow to take them the tea wagon and needlepoint chair (& I’m DAYS behind in my packing plans…).

And a bear got into my composter last night, apparently (see the ‘Bear Bells’ essay in the blog Index), so I had to clean up that mess.

And someone called to say she would adopt my two 10 ½ year old cats – I sure wasn’t expecting that! – and she wanted to come right over and pick them up before I even had a chance to talk to them about it….

And I was about to go outside and the air smelled so gas-y I was afraid the neighbourhood was about to blow up (it hasn’t) and…

I wonder what will happen next??

There have been lots of rather wonderful unexpected things lately too – like the offer from a friend to have me go and live with her family (Wow!!) and the number of people who’ve told me they’re really sorry I’m leaving this town (I’d never expected when I moved here six years ago to make so many new friends!?)

Yup. All this unexpected stuff has definitely been entirely… unexpected.

Well. I wrote a wee essay a while ago (never even got it typed up) called “Stop Trying to Figure it Out” – and once again, I guess I need to try harder to follow my own good advice.

As in, stop trying to “figure it out.” It won’t be figured out. It can’t be figured out.

Expect the unexpected…

And just…let go, let it all happen, and just…be.

(Be. Here. Now.)

Yup. Very good advice indeed.

Janet

<Dec. 13/09>

It’s so important to know what’s really important in life…don’t you think?

I just had a “Janet has another adventure” sort of afternoon – and trust me, Reader, there is a LOT of background detail to my current life that is … well…actually kind of interesting, really, & which I’m not going into because a) I don’t feel like talking about it right now & b) I really want to cut to the chase here.

Ever-so-brief background: I was driving out to a friend’s place, from downtown Toronto. No snow tires – for somewhat complex but quite explicable & reasonable reasons. No winter coat either (see above).

Listened on the drive to our national treasure, CBC Radio (Omigoodness!! Listen to the podcast, if there is one, of the ‘Tapestry’ show from Sunday, December 13^th – Mary Hines interviewing Victor Wooten. It’s an absolute treasure of an interview. I’d never heard of this man before, but wow!! I’ll be buying his book & telling folks about him; awesome musician & person.

And, once I got close to my friend’s wonderful home that I am house-sitting this winter (when I’m not in Toronto, which turns out to be almost all the time), got my little car quite utterly stuck in snow out on the road.

Hoofed it down the driveway (a 5-minute walk in un-snowy conditions) in my not-so-very-adequate boots (my good ones were in the closet, inside said house) – and what was the first thing I did? After turning the heat up?

Called someone for help.

So. This short essay, about “the important things” – is short mostly because today’s lesson for me is that the important things in life can be distilled down to a very short list indeed.

# 1: People/friends/community. I’m where I am in life (my in-so-many-ways very, very enviable life) because of people. Friends, family, community. When the chips are down (as the saying goes), who will be there for you? Your bank account? The “global economy”? I don’t think so. Your friends/family/community will. I hope…

** I could stop right here, btw. With enough of # 1, things fall into place, pretty much. The next 4 are not such bad ones to add to the list, though…

# 2: Common sense (not as common, I think, as the term implies). My brain kicked in fast & told me to order the priorities quickly. Several things fell immediately off the list. What was on it, first and foremost, was “Turn on the heat & call for help!”

# 3: Self-confidence. Along with knowing I need my fellow human beings like crazy, I have the self-confidence to say to myself “You can figure this out. Get help!!”

# 4: Resourcefulness. I’d packed my car in such a way that I didn’t have to schlep 452 items down that unplowed, snowy driveway (this is not always the case for me, I might add…), had had the good sense to leave the snow shovels right handy on the porch, and also had a flashlight right handy near the front door (dark was coming on fast).

# 5: Music!! Now that the little adventure is more or less resolved (with wheelbarrows’ full of gratitude to my saviour, George!!), the house is heating up, & some supper is now contemplatable. I’m very pleased now that there is good music here to listen to. (Pat Conroy said, “Without music, life is a journey through a desert,” & I couldn’t agree more…)

So. I suggest we all do our very best to teach our children what’s REALLY important in life - & you may have noticed that having a whole bunch of money &/or material possessions didn’t make the cut.

People, people, people. Community, community, community.

There you have it.

Janet

P.S. Long underwear, safety pins, matches, candles, post-it notes & one of those little travel sewing kits (along with a notebook & pen & a book!!) haven’t hurt, either!!

P.P.S. This blog post, in 10 words or less? Carry only the essentials. The rest is too heavy. (The post entitled ‘Light things, Heavy things’ may be of interest if you’ve enjoyed this one. You can find it in the blog’s alphabetical Index.)

<Dec. 10/09>

Interesting times, hmmm? On the planet (economic crises, hunger crises, refugee crises, water crises, climate CRISIS; Copenhagen COP15 U.N. meetings taking place as I draft this), and also in my personal life (my family & friends would agree I seem to have a perennially anything-other-than-boring life…).

As many of us know, there is a Chinese curse “May you live in interesting times.” Our blessing, and our curse, hmm?

Well. I promised my up-to-date life philosophy, so here goes:

I think we’re mostly here to learn & to grow & to love each other – and to keep on getting better & better at all three.

(Dr.) Rachel Naomi Remen said in her awesome book Kitchen Table Wisdom – Stories that Heal, “Life is the ultimate teacher, but it is usually through experience and not scientific research that we discover its deepest lessons. A certain percentage of those who have survived near-death experiences speak of a common insight which afforded a glimpse of life’s basic lesson plan. We are all here for a single purpose: to grow in wisdom and to learn to love better. We can do this through losing as well as through winning, by having and by not having, by succeeding or failing. All we need to do is to show up openhearted for class. So fulfilling life’s purpose may depend more on how we play than what we are dealt.” (1)

I think she got that very right.

Writer Anne Lamott said in her lovely book Traveling Mercies – Some Thoughts on Faith (quoting her minister, I believe), “…the world sometimes feels like the waiting room of the emergency ward and that we who are more or less OK for now need to take the tenderest possible care of the more wounded people in the waiting room, until the healer comes. You sit with people,” she said, “you bring them juice and graham crackers.”

I think she’s right too.

In Bird by Bird – Some Instructions on Writing & Life, Lamott said “E.L. Doctorow once said that ‘writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.’ You don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard.” (Ms. Lamott is just plain chockfull of words of wisdom, as you can see…)

I do not think we human beings are here to

• work ourselves to death
• amass great fortunes or piles of “stuff”
• kill one another or destroy the planet
• break our backs trying to “look good”
• break our backs trying to be “bigshots”
• make others like us (in both senses of that expression: make people fond of us, or make them act & believe the way we do).

I do believe we’re here to love one another, grow spiritually (don’t worry, you non-believers; you can do this without faith in any kind of deity), contribute in positive, life-affirming ways to our fellow human creatures/the Earth, heal ourselves & the planet.

Evolve as a species away from violence, greed, & terminal self-absorption and toward generosity of spirit, love, compassion & all that other fine stuff.

Call me ‘Pollyanna’ & naïve as heck; it doesn’t bother me in the slightest!!

I personally have spent many years as a mother & environmental advocate/activist/writer, and will very likely continue in this vein. This is clearly not only my “calling” in life, this stuff totally turns my crank!!!

In the face of all kinds of crises, both the current & looming variety, I will also continue to advocate:

• building community
• finding (& sharing) our personal “gift”
• being ourselves, being authentic
• having authentic relationships
• knowing our “wealth” lies primarily in our relationships (Plato said “Your wealth is where your friends are” & we don’t seem to be able to top him there…)
• investigating helpful spiritual teachers/writings/practices/words of wisdom
• living in the moment; in the present, in the very, very Here & Now
• living life to the fullest!!

Music, love, Nature, laughter…fun!! Life is a joyous, precious gift, Dear Reader – not some serious & fun-less funeral dirge!

There is a Buddhist saying, “Life is a joyful participation in a world of sorrows.”

How to live our lives, so we can promote our own (& everyone’s) health, healing, well-being; the health & growth & evolution of our species?

In the face of deaths – both “personal” & perhaps even that of our own as a species – how are we to act?

I think, with courage…conviction…energy…compassion…love…generosity…determination…kindness…feistiness… unselfishness…dignity…& most especially, gratitude.

I believe we are each capable of moving mountains when we act with courage & conviction(2) – always allowing our conscience to be an ever-present force within us – & then, as they say, “detaching from the outcome.”

The results of our actions are out of our control.

Act, then let go…

And whatever else we may do, celebrate this great wondrous spectacle of Life & Earth!

(And say, as often as humanly possible – in memory of that wonderful, thoughtful, irascible, articulate old Pall smoker, writer Kurt Vonnegut – “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is!”)

Janet

A Few Relevant Quotations:

“I know what the greatest cure is: it is to give up, to relinquish, to surrender, so that our little hearts may beat in unison with the great heart of the world.” – Henry Miller

“Truth comes only to those who must have it, who want it badly enough. And gifts of healing come only to those willing to change.” – Doris Janzen Longacre in the Foreword to her book “Living More with Less”

“Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality of those who seek to change a world which yields most painfully to change.” ~ Robert F. Kennedy, in a speech in Capetown, South Africa, June 6, 1966.

“Change is never inevitable, change is always carried in on the shoulders of those who bring change with them.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Nothing is more powerful than an individual acting out of his conscience, thus helping to bring the collective conscience to life.” ~ Norman Cousins

“The single most important contribution any of us can make to the planet is a return to frugality.” – Robert Muller, former Assistant Secretary-General of the UN

“The saving of the world from impending doom will come, not through the complacent adjustment of the conforming majority, but through the creative maladjustment of the non-conforming minority.” – Martin Luther King

“Almost anything you do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“Choice is so important because it actually constitutes what it means to be a person.” – Joanna Macy in ‘World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice & Ecological Renewal’

“…you also know that each action undertaken with pure intent has repercussions throughout the web of life, beyond what you can measure or discern.” – Joanna Macy in ‘World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice & Ecological Renewal’

“Grace happens when we act with others on behalf of our world.” – Joanna Macy & Molly Young Brown in ‘Coming Back to Life – Practices to Reconnect Our Lives, Our World’ (New Society Publishers, 1998).

“If the world is to be healed through human efforts, I am convinced it will be by ordinary people, people whose love for this life is even greater than their fear. People who can open up to the web of life that called us into being.” – Joanna Macy

“We do not need to protect ourselves from change, for our very nature is change.” – Joanna Macy in ‘World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice & Ecological Renewal’

“But now comes the daunting revelation, that we are all called to be saints – not good necessarily, or pious or devout – but saints in the sense of just caring for each other.” – Joanna Macy in ‘World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice & Ecological Renewal’

“Energy always flows either toward hope, community, love, generosity, mutual recognition, and spiritual aliveness or it flows toward despair, cynicism, fear that there is not enough, paranoia about the intentions of others, and a desire to control.” ~ Michael Lerner, quoted in ‘The Great Turning – From Empire to Earth Community,’ by David Korten

<July 18/09>

Note: My life has changed utterly & dramatically since I wrote this little essay 5 months ago. Yikes! So much has happened!! But I think much of what I said here is still relevant, so I am finally posting it.

My own behaviour at the moment strikes me as a little “out of control.” I’m not so sure this is a “bad” thing. It just is what it is, hmm?

I got knocked on my butt (again) recently, and as I’ve mentioned in a previous post (‘Living Up to Expectations…Not’), I’m not reacting “well.” Not living up to expectations – anyone else’s, or my own. I’ve been beating myself up over it, but I’ve decided to stop. I’m just going to go with it – for now – since the only person I’m actually hurting is myself. (I of course do not advise others to act “out of control” if their behaviour will hurt others. My own “misbehavin’” right now is in actual fact only hurting me. The cats don’t seem to be bothered at all…)

Now. As it happens, I muse on control a fair bit, because it seems to me it is the central problem/issue/dilemma of the (very problematic) human race.

It’s a biggie, you might say.

10,000 years ago now, after millennia of recognizing that the Earth/Universe was a friendly place, and, generally speaking, laid on for humans what we needed (a tribe with which to hang out and go through our days, food for a gathering/hunting lifestyle), we chose to “take control” and run the show by switching over to a lifestyle involving “settled” agriculture – which led, eventually, to the abandonment of our tribal ways, to aptly named “nuclear” families, patriarchy, and many surely quite unintended consequences such as warfare, greed, poverty, uncontrolled exploitation of the Earth’s resources, hierarchical forms of government & the embrace of ever-more-invasive and destructive forms of technology and…

And now, here we are! Now it’s 2009 and we have dysfunctional families and an Earth and human race (and individual spirits) that are depleted, broken and ill.

I could get going on any of a number of threads here, but let’s cut to how our species’ determined efforts to get “control” over the Earth and its resources now play out in our individual lives.

Our culture has a number of ways of trying to control us. Conformity is key, as is our constant obsession with “looking good”(1) by amassing ever-greater quantities of money and material goods – while those who hold the lion’s share of the world’s power sit back and chuckle over what a bunch of ridiculous sheep most of us are. Think “9 – 5,” “financial security,” “benefits,” and “secure pensions” – all mantras and the bars of prisons whose walls we don’t even see, & concepts before which we bow down in slavish obedience.

(Yes, I’m feeling a little passionate right now…)

Think of dysfunctional families in which varying examples of neurotic (and worse) behaviour on the part of the parents led/leads to damaged children who hobble along on their knees, as it were, for the rest of our/their lives, reeling from the emotional and physical and sexual abuse and/or neglect to which so many have been/are being subjected. Leading so many to become control freaks in adulthood, desperate to have some kind of dominion over the state & outcome of their lives (been there! I’ve done my fair share of trying to control the behaviour of others, & definitely continue to work at controlling & even stifling my own behaviour & emotions).

As a child, I personally lived in a tense and unpredictable household that led me to rein in my emotions and my pain – to “put on a brave face” & “get along in the world.”

Now, at 56, after another recent personal loss, I find myself almost unable to cry – to shed the healing tears and release my pain (surely the only way in which it can be healed…).

Oh sure – I’m better at lots of this stuff than many – perhaps even most – people.

But the fact remains, I’ve been pushing down my personal pain and loss all my life.

“I’m okay,” I say. “I’m strong!” “It wasn’t so bad.”

Well, it was bad. I want to howl about it – but good manners and our culture’s “Be happy” script have always kept me in check. Kept me blaming myself for things, or denying the things that happened.

As it turns out, I’m not nearly as much of a control freak as lots of the folks I see around me. (Nor, it must be admitted, were my childhood experiences a fraction as nasty as so many I’ve heard about.)

A rather substantial life loss dashed me against a very nasty set of rocks 14 years ago now, and I thought it was surely going to break me into a million tiny pieces – but light did eventually dawn through the cracks(2) and I grasped that the Earth/Universe does indeed appear to be a friendly place, that I can be happy, that my trying to control people and circumstances is a worthless exercise, doomed to failure…and no damn fun, besides!

Well, now personal loss has come around again – and while I’m not advising myself to let it drown or overpower me, I’m gonna howl, dammit.

This loss, you see, brings up all the other, old, big ones – some of which I never really did howl about. I was too well-behaved – too caught up in our culture’s attempts to make us conform and be quiet and be “good girls and boys” – to ever really “honour my pain,” in the Joanna Macy phrase.

Most of us are so busy pushing down our personal pain and loss and tragedy and heartbreak that we can’t open ourselves up to the really, really HUGE tragedy of our time and our species: that we are determinedly laying waste to our only home, this precious Earth – very likely taking down our own species at the same time.

Yikes!! We are we not all HOWLING about this???

Why haven’t I howled about it?

I’ve been so goshdarn polite (after a lifetime of practice, hmm?) – and too busy focused on little battles like waste and pesticide reduction – frittering my time away at the edges of the hugest crisis ever faced by humankind on this Earth.

So, yes, I’m going to HOWL. I’m going to figure out how to let those blessed tears flow more easily & spontaneously & freely – and sure, I’ll be crying for my personal “little” losses & betrayals & tragedies (which of course aren’t “little” at all; at least to me!) – and also for the granddaddy one of all – our inability to really feel and articulate the Earth’s and our own pain.

And I’m going to be shedding those tears not just for myself – but for all of us.

It’s not a personal “pity party” I’m talking about here. Just a little surely appropriate grief for a tragedy of singularly unprecedented proportions.

Am I making any sense here??

Janet

P.S. I can’t and don’t offer advice to anyone else about how to wrestle with any of this, dear Reader. I’m just little old me here – dealing with my own “stuff” & where it seems to take me.

P.P.S. Other relevant essays on this blog (I think) are ‘Control Freaks Anonymous,’ ‘Looking Good,’ ‘Why We are Control Freaks,’ ‘Despair & Empowerment,’ and ‘Joanna Macy invites us to SHOW UP’ – all of which you can find in the blog Index.

P.P.P.S. As the child of alcoholic parents, I’ve found the William H. Crisman book The Opposite of Everything is True – Reflections on Denial in Alcoholic Families very insightful & useful. Not just in understanding the personal stuff, but in grappling with denial in general…denial being a pretty large player here on Planet Earth…to put it rather mildly. (I believe the book is out of print, but you can order out-of-print books from amazon.com or abebooks.com)

As with the previous post, w. thanks to old buddy Larraine for this link.

& as in the previous post…yet another hero of mine, & his words of wisdom… (& with apologies for any technical incompetence on my part. E.g. if there are links that don’t link, go to the on-line version!!)

From World News Daily, Information Clearing House.

Find it here

Or here it is, below….

Copenhagen Climate Conference

This is Bigger than Climate Change. It is a Battle to Redefine Humanity

It’s hard for a species used to ever-expanding frontiers, but survival depends on accepting we live within limits

By George Monbiot