Janet McNeill

Funny. I just went to “save” this document, & the words “divorce sucks” came into my mind…

I myself have been divorced for 11 years now (the marriage broke up 15 years ago). It’s not the thing I focus on so much these days in my thoughts, although I have to admit, for the first 3+ years of my new life as a single woman & half-time Mom (after 20 years of marriage & 14 of full-time motherhood), it was almost all I thought about. Thank goodness for time…& healing!!

And I’m not gonna lie to you. Years ago I drafted an essay called ‘Divorce: the fun never quits!’ – because when you have children & wind up divorced, it is sadly all too true that the far-reaching impacts of a divorce will never be entirely absent from your life. Divorce, you might say, the gift that keeps on giving…

Well. I don’t have all that much to say about it now. When I was going through it, I was often miserable – lonely, embarrassed & ashamed. It was distinctly un-fun, & absolutely without question, the most gutwrenching time, & experience, of my life.(1)

Fortunately, as mentioned above, time & healing do come. As Eckhart Tolle so wisely reminds us (it is such a useful phrase), “This too will pass.”

(I should also add that it was a number of so-called “simple” things that helped me get through. Walking, music, time with friends, the love of my daughters – &, eventually, once I came up for air – useful work/volunteer work. My friendships definitely grew both in number & in depth, & without those, I’d have just plain … faded away! Plato said “Your wealth is where your friends are,” & that’s the period of my life when I really “got” that, right down to my very bones…).

My main aim for this post is simply to pass along a recommendation for a book about divorce that I just read & can’t praise highly enough!

The book is called Falling Apart in One Piece – One Optimist’s Journey Through the Hell of Divorce, by Stacy Morrison.

I can’t say enough about this book! It’s well-written, searingly honest, & soooooo potentially helpful to anyone who is currently going down the dark road of divorce. I am truly inspired by how brutally honest Ms. Morrison is (about her own faults & failings, as well as those of her ex) & by how she & her (now ex) husband have managed to put aside their own neuroses, pain & unhappiness enough that they are doing an admirable job of co-parenting their son. I’ve always thought this to be the true test of a person’s mettle during a divorce: how classy & generous can you be – can you keep striving to be – for the sake of your children, the innocent & un-witting civilian “casualties” of your own personal little (not so little, of course) war?

Ahhhhhhhh.

So many of us going through this. So much pain, so much loss…

Heartbreaking, to say the very, very least…

I do strongly recommend that any & every reader get thee to a bookstore or library & buy or borrow this book, then share it around. I’d also hazard a guess that one does not have to have gone through a marriage break-up to be helped & inspired by this book.

Nietzsche said, “Sin is that which separates.”

Alienation & loneliness are pretty big players here on Planet Earth, hmmm? Books that make us feel less alone – that help us see how very, very not-alone we really are when we’re down in one of those Very Deep Pits(2) any & all of us can fall into… well…I can’t recommend such books highly enough!!

Janet

P.S. Several years ago I read a couple of novels by Tony Parsons. One of them was called Man and Boy. I recall feeling at the time that these books of his could be a great comfort to anyone going through a divorce…

‘Quote of the day’ w. this post: “It’s one of the secrets of the world. We all have the key to one another’s locks. But until we start to talk, we don’t know it.” – Michael Silverblatt, host of KCRW’s ‘Bookworm’ radio show

<written April 2009>

Once upon a time (almost no-one who knows me now will even be able to believe this), I was a pessimist (& cynic). I was inclined to hang out in sloughs of despond & suppose it was my “fate” to be an unhappy person. Even when I stopped being so down all the time, I was still very, very cynical for a few years there (the job I was doing at the time didn’t help at all…).

Life is complex – I would never pretend otherwise, & we all have life histories that are rather stubborn & sticky with, in lots of cases, plenty of unpleasant experiences and/or even outright nastiness.

I’m not stupid. I do choose to be a “Pollyanna” & do my best to focus on positive things, because one of my key life lessons in the past five years or so has been that “What we focus on expands.”

Life is too short & too precious to focus on doom & gloom, violence & chaos &…well, you get my drift.

I came across this wonderful saying on attitude some years ago now: “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, or say, or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.” (Charles Swindoll)

And I think it’s pretty darn bang on.

I know I’ve changed my attitude plenty over the years, & if I can do it, I’m sure others can too.

We can turn our head around on our own, or we can read wise writers like Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie & get our spirits all tuned up (both these writers/teachers have suffered from horrendous depressions & challenging times, btw; they have been there…).

I’m a passionate environmental activist, & have been for 20 years. Even if we all turn overnight into passionate activists, & start treating our Earth with much greater care & respect (& I certainly hope we do, of course!), the fact is, challenging times are heading our way.

We’re going to need to be tough, resilient, resourceful, independent & smart.

We’re going to need to be people with a “can do” spirit – who can be much more cooperative than we’re used to having to be. (1)

We can choose to do this.

Attitude really is everything, hmmm?

Janet

‘Quote of the day’ w. this post: “The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” – Victor Frankl

<June 18/10>

On my very lovely walk this morning (beautiful day!) along the boardwalk (in the Beaches area of Toronto, Ontario, Canada), I articulated the key tenets of what I guess you might call my “religion.”

They are:

• Gratitude
• Walking
• Community
• Service
• Solitude / silence
• Music [added later; see P.S.]

I could elaborate on each of these, of course. Walking also takes in Nature, love of the Earth, & maybe canoeing, kayaking, swimming & snowshoeing… Community takes in love, family, conversation, smiling, friendliness & friendship. Gratitude takes in joy & leads to a happy spirit. Service takes in activism & caring & doing (which also lead to a happy spirit!). Solitude & silence are things I cannot exist without & sometimes wonder whether others might benefit from a wee bit more of…

& music!! Well – music sometimes catapults me right from practically comatose, down at the bottom of a Very Deep Pit (or even a Not-all-that-deep-but-still-definitely-in-a-pit-Pit) into outright exhilaration!!

Janet

P.S. on July 1^st: I’ve been doing this odd nomadic gig lately. Some of the time I’m living out in the boonies, sometimes I’m in the small city of Pembroke, Ontario (up river from Canada’s capital city, Ottawa, & down river from leaking “legacy” pollution at the Chalk River nuclear facility; Gee – sure makes me feel better to know the pollution there is “legacy” as opposed to new…or, hmm…..does it??, & home to (notice I am not saying proud home: many of us here are not merely not proud but frankly appalled about) SRB Technologies, a tritium-emitting local business that has just outrageously been issued a 5-year license by the Canadian Nuclear Safety Commission (boy are they un-aptly named!?!?!? Ought to be more like the Canadian Nuclear Danger Commission); check out the Tritium Awareness Project Web site to learn “the truth about tritium”…)

And some of the time I hang out in Toronto, Canada’s largest city & kind of an all-around pretty fun place…

Well.

On my long walk in Pembroke this morning, I observed, as I have on other occasions, how church-y this town is. It has a quite extraordinary number of churches. Off the charts, really!

Not sure what that’s all about, but the limitations of “organized” religion seem more & more apparent to me as the years go by.

I’ve written elsewhere about what I see as the problem with religion.

What sprang to mind this morning as I noticed Pembroke’s considerable churchy-ness is the sort of somewhere-else-ness of most religious teachings. “Heaven” is somewhere else. “Divinity” is somewhere/someone else. “Salvation” is some other time. “Holy” is other places or people.

Me, I’m convinced all these things are right here, right now, always.

Hmmm. In ‘Pulling Down the Pedestals’ & ‘I’m not OK – YOU’re OK’ I’ve written about our tendency as individuals to see others as…better – more whole…than one is oneself. I don’t think this attitude & the dominance of religion & its “God/holiness/sacredness is somewhere else” message is a coincidence, exactly…

Certainly Eckhart Tolle’s thoughts about presence, & about the pain body (& everything else he talks about!) resonate hugely for me. (I’ve written about ET in a few blog postings – ‘Ducks Unlimited’, ‘Pain Bodies on Parade or Oh, To be a duck’ & ‘Flap your wings’, among others…)

Dear friend Lynn has just given me a copy of the book This is It – The Nature of Oneness – Interviews with Teachers of Non-Duality, including Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, by Jan Kersschot.

That phrase “This is it!” resonated for me right away.

All is here – right here, right now, in this moment – & it is plenty!

The heck, I say, with the fear & poverty mentality we’ve been so immersed & drenched in for so long.

This is it!

P.P.S. on July 24^th: It became necessary to add that 6^th item – music – to the list the other evening when, under the great spirits & energy-enhancing influence of some lovely, sing-y, dance-y, cheerful tunes, I got hours & hours of useful work done, instead of succumbing to the temptation to veg out in front of a movie. Music sure can be magical!! (Pat Conroy said, “Without music, life is a journey through a desert,” and isn’t it true??)

I’m not sure what else to say, really.

“Bloom where you’re planted” is such simple, yet profound advice, I’m not sure I need to say another word.

*******

Well, I’ll just say this. I came across this little saying at a friend’s place years & years ago now. A little needlepoint thing-ma-bob up on the kitchen wall. [on Aug. 11th - just learned the person who said this was Mary Engelbreit. Thank you, Mary!!]

And remembered it the other day & was struck again at what awesome, if simple, advice it contains.

Wherever we are, wherever we go, whatever is happening to us at any moment, we can strive to “bloom where we’re planted.” It’s brilliant.

Janet

P.S. Another thing that can be very helpful at times: rather than resisting or resenting what’s happening, we can say to ourself, “Can I be the space for this to happen?” Then breathe… & be the space. (I think I must have got this from Eckhart Tolle, whom I’ve blogged about in ‘Pain Bodies on Parade or Oh, To be a Duck!’ ‘Flap Your Wings!‘ & ‘Ducks, Unlimited: People?? Also Unlimited‘)

‘Quote of the day’ w. this post: “The purpose of life is not to be happy – but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.” ~ Leo Rosten

<May 5/10>

I suppose it would be accurate to say I’m a bit of a “shit-disturber.” I say things out loud that others seem more inclined to “keep quiet” about. Ironically, I would actually prefer to lead a quieter life – more time for walking, appreciating Nature, reading (in 5 lifetimes I probably couldn’t read all the books I’d like to!) & writing.

It’s also true that I grew up in a family in which keeping quiet & not making waves – not standing out, shall we say – was…well, let’s just say it was a good idea to be a little on the silent & obedient side when I was a kid.

Now, I make waves. And noise. Why?

Because we live in a world that is teetering on the edge of collapse. Did I just say teetering?? It’s more than teetering. Cancer has become epidemic. The ice sheets are melting & the ocean rising. The weather has gone plain cuckoo. Among many other things…

All our human-made “systems” are broken & breaking more & more by the day (find me one that isn’t & I’ll give you a kewpie doll!). Only people with duct tape over their eyes & ears can fail to see this. Now, I like duct tape as much as the next person, but I’m not interested in wearing it, thanks!

I wrote a blog post a while ago called “Telling the Truth: American soldier & Iraq” about Shannon P. Meehan, a former U.S. Army lieutenant who fought in Iraq & has published a book called Beyond Duty: Life on the Front Line in Iraq. This is a soldier whose book is almost certainly making waves.

Soldiers are expressly expected to keep their lips zipped. Doesn’t matter what they’ve seen or done or how many atrocities they have witnessed, the script they are given says, “Keep it zipped & move on!”

Of course the problem is, when we do keep quiet about atrocities, & about pain & violence & our own personal horrors (& our own personal histories of abuse of whatever kind we underwent as children), it makes us sick &/or crazy, from the in-side out.

In some cases, it makes us violent. Or maybe we just have occasional outbursts of anger/rage so over the top & so out of proportion to what is actually taking place in the present moment that one finally has a sudden Aha! moment & thinks “Hmmm, I wonder what the heck THAT was really about???”(1)

Well. There was an interview on the CBC Radio (on ‘The Current’) on Wednesday, April 28^th with another American who’d been a soldier in Iraq & whose life was also changed (much the way Shannon Meehan’s was) as the result of a particular offensive on a particular day. He couldn’t get the images out of his mind, & when he went to his superiors, got no help beyond basic advice to keep quiet & suck it up.

Eventually, this fellow left the military &, with another soldier (or ex-soldier; sorry; not 100% clear on the details…) wrote a letter of apology to the people in the village where the offensive had taken place.

The two (former) soldiers’ names are Ethan McCord & Josh Steeger. 3000 people have signed their letter of apology.

McCord commented in ‘The Current’ interview that an integral part of being part of ‘the system’ is taking responsibility. You can’t always “go with the flow,” he said. Sometimes, you gotta make waves.

This made me recall another CBC interview with men who work on skyscrapers in New York City. One of the men interviewed commented that “you can really go places, provided you keep your mouth shut.”

It’s pretty easy to see that folks who believe in making waves are people who are not just thinking about themselves, & about “going places.” These are people who feel a sense of responsibility to their fellow human beings – while people who are determined to “keep their mouths shut” & “go far” see themselves as more…well…isolated, perhaps?

Personally, I really enjoy feeling I’m part of a tribe.

Devra Davis once said, quoting an African proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

I think a lot of us have had about enough of the “me, myself & I” routine by now.

& I’m here to tell you 2 things:

1. When soldiers & former soldiers start speaking out, that not only takes a lot of guts, it really sends a powerful message about the way the world is going.
2. We really can go far when we go together! I’ve been “going far” with fellow activists for 20 years now. I’ve had tons of grand adventures & fun – even an occasional triumph! – & personally have my doubts that life really gets any better than that.

A Filipino proverb says, “A clear conscience is more valuable than wealth.”(2)

I say, a clear conscience is wealth.

For sure, the only way I can live with my own is to keep right on making waves.

It’s wonderful to know that I’m in marvellous & ever-expanding (& even more & more unexpected) company!!

Janet

P.S. You can listen to the Ethan McCord interview here

‘Quote of the day’ w. this post: “Once you know the difference between right and wrong, you have lots fewer decisions to make.” – Joseph Campbell, quoted in the biography “A Fire in the Mind – The Life of Joseph Campbell” by Stephen & Robin Larsen

<drafted Feb. 4/10>

Ever since the phrase “an elephant in the room”  was introduced to me, I’ve been crazy about the concept. It’s so … useful!!

When Marissa mentioned the expression to me, she was referring to the phenomenon of being at a wedding involving a family of divorce. Everyone skirts around the underlying hostilities, baggage & inevitable tensions – as though there were an invisible elephant in the room. (Sure must use up a lot of energy, ya think?)

Gotta tell you, I’ve had way more experience with elephants than I care to enumerate.

Then too, & oddly enough, I am both a bit of an elephant myself, & sometimes (usually in different locales), an elephant caller. It is not only not particularly easy being in either role, it sometimes seems to make people around me a little uncomfortable too (my poor daughters, eh??). Yet very often, people do tell me they enjoy my honesty & openness (I guess I sometimes say the things other people think, but are too afraid to say…).

It is also true, as I am only just now beginning to realize, that in a certain few relationships, when there have been rather large elephants lurking & I did not call them, things later blew up in very messy, unpleasant ways.

So, sheesh! I’m not sure what the lesson here is.

The other odd balancing act I seem to be ever navigating is the showing up/staying out of the way dynamic.

I believe quite passionately in “showing up” – which in my case takes the form of involvement in environmental activism, excessively honest blogging & trying to “be there” for friends & loved ones going through hard times.

Three writers I greatly admire talk about “showing up.” Joanna Macy spoke of the importance of our showing up with respect to the environmental crisis at a talk she gave in Toronto last June.

Elizabeth Lesser speaks of it in her awesome book Broken Open – How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (the essay entitled ‘For Hugo’). Joan Halifax says in her book Being with Dying – Cultivating Compassion & Fearlessness in the Presence of Death that there ought to be a sign saying “Show Up” at her monastery in Santa Fe.

Come to think of it, I’m certain Rachel Naomi Remen says plenty about it in her wonderful book Kitchen Table Wisdom – Stories That Heal – if not perhaps in that exact phrase. Dr. Remen is, after all, all about showing up…

I greatly admire these women’s thoughts & writings & the awesome work each is engaged in – & totally embrace the concept of “showing up.”

And yet, & yet…

My experiences as an elephant in the room – & a frequent elephant caller – but a sometimes not-courageous enough elephant caller keep landing me in sticky, messy, damn-near-tragic situations, relationship-wise.

What is a person to do??

*******

Well. The clouds have blown away & the sun is shining brilliantly & my horrific cough has seemingly calmed itself down, at least for the moment. The act of writing down my thoughts has simultaneously lifted my spirits in the rather miraculous way it so often does. And I am recalling the words of two people whose wisdom often offers me so much comfort.

Elizabeth Lesser reminds us in Broken Open that we are all, after all, just fellow “bozos on the bus.” No one has got it all together all the time. (Pema Chödron is also brilliant & sooooo compassionate on this score in her books The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving Kindness & When Things Fall Apart – Heart Advice for Difficult Times).

We are all works in progress, hmm?

I’ll have to keep right on wrestling with the odd dynamics of being an elephant in the room, an elephant caller, & when to “show up” & when to stay “out of the way.” (I have a horror of being “in the way” that I can only assume stems from my … challenging… childhood years. It’s an ever-present dynamic in my life. Still rassling with that one, for sure!)

Eckhart Tolle’s reminder that “This too will pass” will continue to offer its eternal wisdom, strength & wider sense of perspective.

(& then too, my own phrase “Cut your losses. Go where the energy is” will continue to serve me well – especially when I remember to follow my own good advice!!)

Janet

P.S. I’m a big fan of Eckhart Tolle & have mentioned him in several blog posts. If you know nothing at all about him, why not read the postings Pain Bodies on Parade (or Oh, To Be a Duck), Ducks, Unlimited; Humans?? Also Unlimited & Flap Your Wings.

‘Quote of the day’ with this post: “A dead end is just a good place to turn around.” ~ Naomi Judd

<written Jan. 24/10>

I woke up feeling pretty much like the proverbial “bag of s-it” this morning. There’s kind of a lot of heavy emotional stuff going on in my life just now. Details not important.

I hauled myself out of bed more or less by the scruff of the neck and forced myself to get out for a walk.

I was pretty deep into negative thoughts as I set out. “Oh poor me,” “How could s/he?” Not to mention a large dollop of self-loathing. “Why am I such a LOSER?” That kind of thing…

I didn’t get more than a block before I saw a man walking his dog along Queen St. (I swear there are more dogs than people in this neighbourhood). I very deliberately avoided looking at either man or dog (normally I’d have smiled at the dog, at the very least), & the thought immediately sprang into my mind that I was choosing to remain miserable. Self-absorbed. Wallowing in misery.

It was immediately crystal-clear to me that this was a choice I was making.

“Hmmph,” I thought. “Fine. I choose to be miserable and wallow in self-pity & self-flagellation & self-loathing. Right then!”

But on I walked, beside Lake Ontario, enjoying, in spite of myself, the waves, the trees, & all the darn dogs (& their people). Especially the little kids (what is not to like about youthful innocence & exuberance?? I mean…)

Pretty soon a few good thoughts came to me as regards how I might wrestle with the personal emotional storms I’m currently caught up in.

And then I thought, is it not so totally true that we are all prisoners of our own minds? And further, that this is a choice we make?

So, therefore, we can choose to “break out.” Figure out ways to navigate a little more fearlessly out of the messy emotional storms we all get caught up in, in this oh-so-human life we each lead.

Joanna Macy has pointed out in World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice & Ecological Renewal that “Choice is so important because it actually constitutes what it means to be a person.”

And also that all of humankind’s problems (& our individual ones) are mind-made. They are not real & immutable & rock-solid. They are really just ideas – thoughts & concepts in our heads.

So, we simply have to make the choice to change what goes on inside our heads.

*******************************************************

I’m not feeling like a bag of s-it anymore. I feel “human” again (although of course being human does admittedly encompass a wide variety of moods).

I feel as though there are some possibilities open to me as regards these all-important relationships in my life – and that’s a great relief, since, in my world, anyway, it’s the relationships that are really the whole darn deal.

So, I made a “prison break,” you might say, & stopped myself from feeling miserable. It didn’t take very long at all!

Janet

P.S. Eckhart Tolle & Byron Katie are quite brilliant (& down-to-earth practical) on the subject of how we each choose our thoughts & thus, can change them. I highly recommend Tolle’s book A New Earth & Katie’s Loving What Is – Four questions that can change your life. Both of these writers have been down inside the pits of deep depression themselves. They are writing about what they know, not some high-falutin’ intellectual exercise or airy-fairy spiritual mumbo-jumbo. They’ve been there…

P.P.S. Paul Dudley White, a physician who lived from 1886-1973, said “A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world.” I’m utterly convinced he was absolutely right. Walking is downright magical…

‘Quote of the Day’ with this post: “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” – Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth – Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

Five days ago now (on Monday, Nov. 30^th), I took part in a peaceful sit-in at the Canadian Harper government’s finance minister’s office in Whitby, Ontario, along with 6 other Toronto-area ‘People for Climate Justice.’ We spent the day in Jim Flaherty’s office, & at the end of the day were arrested, taken to the Oshawa police station, charged & later released. [See also Busted for Climate Justice! & Civil Disobedience: Why did we occupy Fin. Minister's Office? & Dear Judge: Comfort Zones & Climate Change]

It was the first time I’d ever been arrested, & all in all, I found the whole experience pretty energizing!

Here’s a list of 10 things I’ve concluded:

1. I am very pleased & proud to have taken part in this event. Surprisingly, it was a lot more fun than I’d anticipated!

2. The young people involved in social justice/environmental activism are wildly

• smart
• energetic
• committed
• courageous & assertive &
• politically astute (much more so than I was at their ages!)

3. Something that really stands out for me is how community-building this experience was. Totally the opposite of isolating or alienating, which so many things in today’s world seem to be. I felt kind of like one small cell in a functioning body. No need to overplay my own “importance” or contribution. The support that those of us who did the sit-in had was phenomenal – & that felt awesome.

4. The actions of individuals can & do make a huge difference! This “action” was the culmination of many different individual actions & contributions, & its success is due to the synergy of all those individual contributions. The whole is definitely greater than the sum of the parts, and each of those individual “parts” helped hugely! I am so grateful to everyone involved!!

5. The Buddhists are always saying that everything is connected (well, not just the Buddhists; it’s a pretty widely-understood phenomenon by now). Many of my blog entries are about how we need to learn that “Everything isn’t all about ME,” & how valuable “spiritual growth” is, & how much we need to learn from teachers like Eckhart Tolle about the need to tame our egos. This civil disobedience experience was an on-the-fly exercise in the need for these very kinds of lessons. When we know in our guts that “everything isn’t all about me,” it’s pretty powerful what we can work for & achieve…together!!

6. Given some of the feedback I’ve had from friends & family since my arrest, it’s been brought home to me more than ever that those of us who feel capable of speaking up &/or being arrested have a moral duty to do so – because when we do, we’re speaking/acting for many, many others who for a whole host of compelling reasons may not be capable of this kind of action themselves. When we do it, I think we help them in some mysterious way to feel the power of their own voices, thoughts & actions too.

7. We middle-class Canadians are, I am ever more convinced, much too complacent, compliant & comfortable. We allow our own comfort to insulate us & isolate us & become an excuse for inaction.

8. Occupying a politician’s office for the day, being arrested & spending a few hours in a police station is a very “small potatoes” contribution, hardly a heroic act! I think of the bravery of the suffragettes, & Rosa Parks, & Nelson Mandela, & Mahatma Gandhi, & so many millions of current prisoners & refugees all over the world who have suffered & are suffering far, far more than I can ever imagine. If I cannot give up my comfort for one day in solidarity with the millions on this planet who are suffering & will suffer grievously due to climate change impacts, well… what kind of person am I, then, really?

9. It is time for my generation – the Baby Boomers – to step up to the plate. Our parents lived through the Depression & World War II, & made huge personal sacrifices in order that our generation might have better lives. So many died during World War II, that we might live. What has my generation done? Is it not finally time for us to make a contribution to the future for our own children & grandchildren? To actually make some sacrifices? I definitely think so.

10. We have been too quiet, too polite, too selfish, too inwardly-focused. It’s time to speak up. To get off our comfortable behinds & show some gumption. As someone wise has said, “Democracy is not a spectator sport.” It’s time to get our hands dirty!!

More & more well-known figures – people like George Monbiot, & Wendell Berry, & Dr. James Hansen, are saying that civil disobedience must be stepped up. It isn’t just “overgrown hippies” who see that it’s time for change; many, many respected writers & scientists & educators of all kinds are saying we must speak up – and act up.

Let’s use these wonderful voices we’ve been given, shall we?

Janet

P.S.  This blog is my own. I am not representing or speaking here on behalf of any other groups to which I belong - just me, myself & I. Any screw-ups are mine alone!?

P.P.S. You can read the blog entry ‘Copenhagen Primer’ if you need some suggestions for personal action. I went out yesterday to do some errands in downtown Toronto, & the simple fact that I was wearing a (Toronto Climate Campaign) button about climate change led to a good conversation with a staff person in a store. Such a simple contribution, just wearing a button!!

P.P.P.S. For information about doing direct action yourself (and some good photos!), you can go to Direct Action in Canada for Climate Justice here

Quotations I hope may help summon up the blood, as it were….

“The optimism of the action is better than the pessimism of the thought.” – Harold Zindler

“The single most important contribution any of us can make to the planet is a return to frugality.” – Robert Muller, former Assistant Secretary-General of the UN

“The saving of the world from impending doom will come, not through the complacent adjustment of the conforming majority, but through the creative maladjustment of the non-conforming minority.” – Martin Luther King

“Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality of those who seek to change a world which yields most painfully to change.” ~ Robert F. Kennedy, in a speech in Capetown, South Africa, June 6, 1966.

“I still believe the model of the peaceful world is the potluck supper. Everyone can make a contribution, everyone can gain fellowship and nourishment, and we can all learn from one another.” – Ursula Franklin

“The hottest place in hell is reserved for those who, in times of crisis, preferred to remain neutral.” – Dante, in The Inferno

“Activism is the rent I pay for living on this planet.” – Alice Walker

“Anything else you’re interested in is not going to happen if you can’t breathe the air and drink the water. Don’t sit this one out. Do something.” – Carl Sagan, astronomer (1934 – 1996).

“Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it’s the only thing.” – Albert Schweitzer

“We are privileged, and the duty of privilege is absolute integrity.” – John O’Donohue, Irish poet, philosopher and former priest

“The most alarming sign of the state of our society now is that our leaders have the courage to sacrifice the lives of young people in war but have not the courage to tell us that we must be less greedy and less wasteful.” – Wendell Berry, quoted in Depletion and Abundance – Life on the New Home Front or, One Woman’s Solutions to Finding Abundance for Your Family while Coming to Terms with Peak Oil, Climate Change and Hard Times, Sharon Astyk, New Society Publishers, 2008.

“Thou shalt not be a victim. Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander.” – Quote displayed at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. – quoted in Heat – How to Stop the Planet from Burning, by George Monbiot, Doubleday, 2006.

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less important whether or not I am unafraid.” – Audre Lourde, 1934-92

“Do we want to be remembered as the generation that saved the banks and let the biosphere collapse?” – George Monbiot

<August 14/09>

I occasionally muse on how much of our psychic energy we waste in always making mental judgments about this, that and the other thing. (Of course, I’m as guilty of it as the next person…)

We leap to judgment constantly, without even skipping a beat.

I remember walking along a busy sidewalk one time and being caught behind a woman walking so slowly I felt certain she must surely be deliberately being a pain in the neck (after all, everything is all about me and my convenience, right?)

When I got past her, I discovered she was hugely pregnant, walking with a toddler. Then I felt pretty foolish for jumping to such a totally self-centred conclusion.

Another time, I had to rent a car to get to an event I was coordinating in a town an hour’s drive away. The only thing available was an SUV – a vehicle of which, as an environmentalist, I’m not overly fond. And I thought, “Yup. If someone judges me just because they saw me arrive in this vehicle, they won’t know how off the mark a snap judgment can be.”

Of course, Eckhart Tolle and the Buddhist writers are always reminding us to “be in the present moment,” and if we do our best to stay firmly planted in the present, there really isn’t psychic “room” for tons of opinions, judgments, resentments, inflexible plans, ideas, etc.

What brought this up for me this morning is this: I’m sitting at my corner table at my local coffee spot, which happens to overlook the drive-through lane.

I’ve been reading over and editing some of my scribblings. I re-use paper in my printer, and when I turned one page over, discovered part of an article from the Utne Reader (November/December ’93 issue) I’d recently trimmed out of my files. It’s about pollution and environmental injustice, and there was the photo of a woman with her young son, born with most of his limbs missing as the result of her exposure to dangerous chemicals while picking grapes in California.

I started crying (I’m crying as I write this); what are we DOING on this planet??????

And then I thought, anyone who drives by and who knows me at all might assume I’m crying over my own personal “stuff” – & that would be a very inaccurate conclusion to jump to.

Note to self (and others, if they think it’s worthy advice): Let’s try to just be.

Be here now.

The Christian admonition to “Judge not, lest ye be judged” can also help.

Janet

P.S. I’m glad my tears are flowing a little more readily of late. This is a healthy thing, I think…

P.P.S. Joanna Macy has pointed out that all of our problems are mind-made. Eckhart Tolle emphasizes this too. He says we tend to have “noisy minds.” I’d hazard a guess that some of us have minds that are positively deafening. I know mine is often pretty goshdarn busy. Some things do help still it. Walking, sitting by the river, canoeing and singing really help keep me present. For many, yoga and meditation are invaluable for this…

P.P.P.S. I recall writing a little essay once in which I said, “Jumping to conclusions takes too much energy!” A useful thought, maybe…

A Few Relevant Quotations:

“When I pray, I ask for guidance in my life to be the best person I can be, to learn what I need to learn, and to grow from what I learn. Always when I pray, I ask to let go. Letting go is the hardest part.” – Julia Butterfly Hill in The Legacy of Luna - The Story of a Tree, A Woman, & the Struggle to Save the Redwoods

“At this point in history, the most radical, pervasive, and earth-shaking transformation would occur simply if everybody truly evolved to a mature, rational, and responsible ego, capable of freely participating in the open exchange of mutual self-esteem. Then, there would be a real New Age.” ~ Ken Wilber

“There is only one courage, and that is the courage to go on dying to the past. Not to collect it, not to accumulate it, not to cling to it. We all cling to the past, and because we cling to it we become unavailable to the present.” – Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

“The criteria for success: you are free, you live in the present moment, you are useful to the people around you, and you feel love for all humanity.” – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

<April 8/08>

I got up this morning – the day of my 55^th birthday – in a quite stunning place. I’m at a retreat centre called Hollyhock on Cortes Island in B.C., and this is my last full day here (darn!).

It’s a rainy day, and I have to admit, rainy isn’t my very favourite kind of weather. But it’s my birthday, and I know darn well a morning walk is always the best way for me to start my day (and also that “attitude is everything,”) so I cheerfully suited up in my raingear and set out for a walk over to nearby Smelt Bay Provincial Park beach.

On the way over I thought “dressing for the weather” is not such a bad metaphor for life. We will each encounter every kind of “weather” in our lives, and certain attitudes/behaviour/habits will stand us in better stead than others. Actively practicing gratitude, being out in and appreciating Nature often, learning to “let go,” understanding that “the best things in life are not things” and that “your wealth is where your friends are:” all of these will help get us through even the stormiest “weather.”

On my walk down the beach (the one pictured at the top of this blog), the phrase “The magic is everywhere” came into my head. I’ve long believed that “everyday magic” is all around us: again, the kinds of magic we encounter when we love Nature, follow our bliss, find our tribe and practice gratitude faithfully.

The magic this morning was in the natural beauty around me; never mind that it was raining. I saw two friendly fishermen arriving back on shore in that classic, charming yellow raingear, several loons, a whole host of interesting shells and pieces of driftwood, and just kept breathing it all in and giving deep sighs of gratitude.

Down at the farthest point on the beach, I looked out in the water and saw a huge flock of scoter birds. I had a chuckle recalling the amazing show some of these birds had given me on an earlier walk. If only I had videotaped them – they’d put on the most captivating play for me (well, not for me, of course, but there I was to gratefully drink in their highly amusing little “show”).

Then, for some reason, the thought came to me, as it has on other occasions, that we all carry a personal “story” with us, and that when we let it go – let it fall away – magic happens.

I used to carry a story about a not-terribly-happy childhood. Then, over time, that tired old one was replaced by one about the 20-year marriage that blew up.

Now, I’m just me – woman, mother, writer, environmental activist, friend, community volunteer, human being…

I think – I hope! – my story has grown bigger.

I think that, although I may weigh a little more now in actual pounds of flesh, every time I let my “story” go and just be, I become lighter…more full of light…freer…more joyful.

In the language of Eckhart Tolle (whose book and appearances on the webcasts with Oprah are so “hot” right now), our egos are very heavy.

They slow us down…they trip us up…they get in the way.

I’m not saying we human beings don’t need stories – we do. Many big writers and thinkers (e.g Thomas King and Thomas Berry,(1) to name just two) are quite right when they say that story is in fact the whole deal.

But what we need now are big stories; big visions – not little stories that keep us all caught up inside our own heads, recycling those little, personal “oh poor me” stories…

(Maybe we are like a snake that needs to shed its skin? It is time to move on…)

What happens when we drop our old personal story? Many of us are afraid of doing so, I know. The old story seems to give us an odd sort of comfort, doesn’t it? It’s so familiar. Yet the old stories don’t make us happy; they’re more like some sort of prison, actually – yet we do cling quite tenaciously to them, don’t we?

Letting them go sets us free.

One begins to sense one’s pure potential.

I’d say we are pure potential.

So here’s my birthday wish for all of us:

Tell me a story.

A story about possibilities and potential.

And then, let’s all start putting flesh on the bones of these new, big, grand stories.

Amen…

Janet

P.S. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies ahead are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” It is so, it is so…