Janet McNeill

<written March 19/10>

When I was a child, my older siblings used to call me a “crybaby.” They were right; I was! Of course, they teased me unmercifully & delighted in making me cry. Ah well, eh? They had their reasons for resenting me, hmm? Families are complicated critters…

Eventually, & it took me a humiliating-to-admit number of years, I finally learned to not cry in the face of the teasing. I became “tough.” Being tough – & resilient – is good, on the whole, I think, & my toughness & resilience have served me well, & will very likely continue to do so.

But we are human beings, are we not? Along with our toughness, our thick skins, we need to be able to feel deeply in order to be truly human. (Perhaps if we all felt more – allowed more deep & disturbing feelings in, there would be fewer wars & less violence in general, hmm? Oh there I go again – always aiming for the stars… Don’t mind me…)

I do know I’ve been learning again to cry, & how good it makes me feel afterward. The old (or more recent) scars & wounds are still there, but magically, the pain of them is vastly diminished. I feel lighter. Free-er.

Joanna Macy says we need to “honour our pain.”(1) When we simply “stuff” it – push it down, pretend it isn’t there, it sickens us from the in-side out. Dulls us. Saps our energy.

Lots of us harbour plenty of old pain. Childhood wounds. Relationship heartbreaks. Ancient resentments. It’s good to let loose all this old…shit. Let the pus out of the wound(s), as it were. A good cry – even a wrenching howling session – would probably do wonders for most of us!

As Macy & John Seed learned in their despair & empowerment work, we actually free up energy when we speak out loud about our fears & our despair.

In Country of My Skull – Guilt, Sorrow and the Limits of Forgiveness in the New South Africa,(2) a book I’m reading at the moment, author Antjie Krog talks about the tears of a woman testifying in front of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, whose crying has a huge impact on those who hear her testimony. Krog says “The academics say pain destroys language and this brings about an immediate reversion to a prelinguistic state – and to witness that cry was to witness the destruction of language…was to realize that to remember the past of this country is to be thrown back into a time before language. And to get that memory, to fix it in words, to capture it with the precise image, is to be present at the birth of language itself. But more practically, this particular memory at last captured in words can no longer haunt you, push you around, bewilder you, because you have taken control of it – you can move it wherever you want to. So maybe this is what the commission is all about – finding words for that cry of Nomonde Calata.”(3)

When I re-read those words, I came/come close to tears myself (confession: I still don’t cry very easily). So many people I know had (I pause as I write this, looking for the definitive adjective)…awful…horrid…painful…nasty…soul-destroying things happen to them in their childhoods. Some of us can recall & articulate some of these so-painful things. Many have spent a lifetime repressing the memories (which chews up a fair chunk of our energy & vitality, as it happens).

Women often seem more able to articulate & thus wrestle with these ancient wounds, whereas men are often unable to do so. (For a variety of good reasons! I recommend that everyone on the planet read the book Becoming the Kind Father – A Son’s Journey(4) in order to understand why so many men have so much trouble getting in touch with their feelings & their pain. It’s a wonderful, wonderful practical & compassionate book.)

We don’t & really cannot let the pain & baggage go until we articulate it.

It is such a catharsis to say out loud something like (in my own case, to make this very personal indeed & no, I had no intention of saying this when I sat down to write this; the words are simply flying right off the end of my pen!) “My father didn’t give a rat’s ass about me.”

I can say that now with so much less emotional freight attached to it (& no, as it happens, that isn’t the only childhood wound, there was other stuff too. But for me, that was the most crushing thing, the one I pushed down the hardest, for sooooooooo many decades…).

Phew. Didn’t know that’s where this little essay was heading!?

Well. Your friendly local anarchist (that’s me!) says, have a good old wrenching cry from time to time. It will make you feel ever so much better.

As Joanna Macy advises, we need to honour our pain.(5) This does not make us weaker, it actually makes us stronger. More resilient. Maybe even a little more fierce…but in a good way, I think….

Flonda Scott Maxwell said, “You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality.”

Reality is a little fierce these days. I reckon we need to be a little fierce to wrestle with it! (Fierce, but kind. Compassionate. Caring. Active…)

Janet

p.s. There are two authors who write wonderfully well & whose wise & compassionate words help unleash the tears for me when I know I need to cry but the tears aren’t coming. Rachel Naomi Remen’s awesome book Kitchen Table Wisdom – Stories That Heal is … awesome!! The essay called “In Flight” will do it for me every time… Elizabeth Lesser is another emotion-unlocker for me (you must read Broken Open – How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow). I swear by both these books & their respective writers. I wrote about my introduction to Ms. Lesser in the essay “Lonely & Terrified: Just Another Bozo on the Bus.”

p.p.s. I’ve been “sitting on” this essay, but figured it was time to post it. Weeks after writing it, I’ve now come in contact with two books by Alice Miller – hooey!! Did these books ever jump into my arms! & right at the right time. From Rage to Courage and The Body Never Lies – The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting. Haven’t read the 2^nd one yet, but am sure looking forward to it!

‘Quote of the Day’ w. this post: “The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are.” – Joseph Campbell

<drafted Feb. 4/10>

Ever since the phrase “an elephant in the room”  was introduced to me, I’ve been crazy about the concept. It’s so … useful!!

When Marissa mentioned the expression to me, she was referring to the phenomenon of being at a wedding involving a family of divorce. Everyone skirts around the underlying hostilities, baggage & inevitable tensions – as though there were an invisible elephant in the room. (Sure must use up a lot of energy, ya think?)

Gotta tell you, I’ve had way more experience with elephants than I care to enumerate.

Then too, & oddly enough, I am both a bit of an elephant myself, & sometimes (usually in different locales), an elephant caller. It is not only not particularly easy being in either role, it sometimes seems to make people around me a little uncomfortable too (my poor daughters, eh??). Yet very often, people do tell me they enjoy my honesty & openness (I guess I sometimes say the things other people think, but are too afraid to say…).

It is also true, as I am only just now beginning to realize, that in a certain few relationships, when there have been rather large elephants lurking & I did not call them, things later blew up in very messy, unpleasant ways.

So, sheesh! I’m not sure what the lesson here is.

The other odd balancing act I seem to be ever navigating is the showing up/staying out of the way dynamic.

I believe quite passionately in “showing up” – which in my case takes the form of involvement in environmental activism, excessively honest blogging & trying to “be there” for friends & loved ones going through hard times.

Three writers I greatly admire talk about “showing up.” Joanna Macy spoke of the importance of our showing up with respect to the environmental crisis at a talk she gave in Toronto last June.

Elizabeth Lesser speaks of it in her awesome book Broken Open – How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (the essay entitled ‘For Hugo’). Joan Halifax says in her book Being with Dying – Cultivating Compassion & Fearlessness in the Presence of Death that there ought to be a sign saying “Show Up” at her monastery in Santa Fe.

Come to think of it, I’m certain Rachel Naomi Remen says plenty about it in her wonderful book Kitchen Table Wisdom – Stories That Heal – if not perhaps in that exact phrase. Dr. Remen is, after all, all about showing up…

I greatly admire these women’s thoughts & writings & the awesome work each is engaged in – & totally embrace the concept of “showing up.”

And yet, & yet…

My experiences as an elephant in the room – & a frequent elephant caller – but a sometimes not-courageous enough elephant caller keep landing me in sticky, messy, damn-near-tragic situations, relationship-wise.

What is a person to do??

*******

Well. The clouds have blown away & the sun is shining brilliantly & my horrific cough has seemingly calmed itself down, at least for the moment. The act of writing down my thoughts has simultaneously lifted my spirits in the rather miraculous way it so often does. And I am recalling the words of two people whose wisdom often offers me so much comfort.

Elizabeth Lesser reminds us in Broken Open that we are all, after all, just fellow “bozos on the bus.” No one has got it all together all the time. (Pema Chödron is also brilliant & sooooo compassionate on this score in her books The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving Kindness & When Things Fall Apart – Heart Advice for Difficult Times).

We are all works in progress, hmm?

I’ll have to keep right on wrestling with the odd dynamics of being an elephant in the room, an elephant caller, & when to “show up” & when to stay “out of the way.” (I have a horror of being “in the way” that I can only assume stems from my … challenging… childhood years. It’s an ever-present dynamic in my life. Still rassling with that one, for sure!)

Eckhart Tolle’s reminder that “This too will pass” will continue to offer its eternal wisdom, strength & wider sense of perspective.

(& then too, my own phrase “Cut your losses. Go where the energy is” will continue to serve me well – especially when I remember to follow my own good advice!!)

Janet

P.S. I’m a big fan of Eckhart Tolle & have mentioned him in several blog posts. If you know nothing at all about him, why not read the postings Pain Bodies on Parade (or Oh, To Be a Duck), Ducks, Unlimited; Humans?? Also Unlimited & Flap Your Wings.

‘Quote of the day’ with this post: “A dead end is just a good place to turn around.” ~ Naomi Judd

<March 12/10>

My daughter reminded me this morning (and, well, last night too, not to put too fine a point on it) of a theory I’ve had in mind for quite a while now about women & humility.

There are many differences between the sexes, of course, & the quality of humility is just one of them.

I’ve long theorized that women are (usually) more humble than men (broadly speaking, of course; there are also wildly arrogant women & vastly humble men) because motherhood keeps us humble. Actually, our children keep us humble. Any time we might be feeling not too badly about ourselves & our worldly achievements & spiritual growth (such as it is), our children will be sure to remind us of our shortcomings & one of the vast array of grievous mistakes visited upon them in their childhoods. Or maybe only my children do this, who knows?? It’s true on the one hand that I’m not particularly crazy about being reminded so frequently of my yawning imperfectabilities as a person & mother; however, on the other, I am in general pleased that my relationships with my daughters are close enough that they feel comfortable telling me I’m definitely not ready for any halos just yet.

On the whole, I think, humility is to be celebrated. As Elizabeth Lesser points out so brilliantly (with credit to clown Wavy Gravy) in the not-to-be-missed Broken Open – How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow, we are all, after all, just “bozos on the bus.” However grand may be our worldly achievements, we all have faults & problems & neuroses, & can all be royal pains in the neck at times. Is it not so?? (My blog posting “We are ALL Impossible” speaks to this.)

Back to the incident this morning: I’d stayed overnight at my daughter’s apartment & this morning walked with her over to her office so we could have a few minutes’ chatting time together. Apropos of something she’d just said, I told her about Joanna Macy’s suggestion in World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice and Ecological Renewal that a useful tactic for helping one to feel compassion for others is to look at each person we meet & imagine her (or him) to have been our mother in a previous lifetime. Bear in mind here, I had annoyed my daughter the night before & she had let me know this in no uncertain terms.

When I told her the Joanna Macy suggestion, she replied without skipping a beat, “That would make me even grumpier!” at which, of course, I burst out laughing.

I’m pretty sure she loves me as much as any daughter loves any mother – but it sure is a case of tough love sometimes!!

Ah well. I do love that my daughters & I laugh a lot when we hang out together. And I’m grateful (I think) that they’re so darn good at keeping my feet on the ground…

Janet

P.S. Posts on this blog about Lesser’s book are ‘Broken? Or Broken Open?’ , ‘Permission to FEEL Our Feelings’  & ‘Lonely & Terrified: Just Another ‘Bozo on the Bus’

‘Quote for the day’ with this post: “So-called global warming is just a secret ploy by wacko tree-huggers to make America energy-independent, clean our air and water, improve fuel-efficiency of our vehicles, kickstart 21st century industries, and make our cities safer and more livable. Don’t let them get away with it!” – Chip Giller, founder of Grist.org

<March 1/10>

I’ve been thinking about circles (& boxes) lately.

I keep noticing how important circles are – & how so many of the things that make us feel good – make us human, really – are kind of circular.

Things like, for one notable example, gratitude. When we make it a point to be grateful/appreciative of the blessings in our lives (yes! Here I go yet again about gratitude!?)(1) – it soon begins to seem as though there are more & more things to be grateful for. The circle gets bigger & bigger. And also, when we show appreciation for the people in our lives, they seem to appreciate us more too, and we all rather shine, I think, when we really feel appreciated, & that is all a kind of wondrous, magical circular process.

I know Buddhist scholar/long-time activist Joanna Macy has said, along with her co-author Molly Young Brown in their book Coming Back to Life – Practices to Reconnect Our Lives, Our World (New Society Publishers, 1998), “Grace happens when we act with others on behalf of our world,” and I can say from lots of experience that this is, most happily, very true! Along with the grace comes more energy to do more work, & then more grace, & …well, you get the picture, hmm? On & on it goes, a lovely and very un-vicious circle.

When you muse on all this for a while, you notice that, actually, we are utterly surrounded by & immersed in circular, cyclical processes.

The seasons go around in circles & our own lives are cyclical in nature, & families & human communities are circles of caring & compassion (when they work well) & we live on a round, orbiting ball of a planet, don’t we? It shouldn’t perhaps surprise us too much to notice all the magical circular processes when really, our own lives & Life itself is all about circles.

There is a lot of evidence to suggest that thousands of years ago, human beings understood intuitively that our lives are guided by these circular processes, but that somewhere along the way (perhaps when we moved away from the tribal lifestyle of gatherers & hunters in favour of settled agriculture?), it seems we mislaid our understanding of the power of circles (& began boxing ourselves in).

I recently re-read the fabulously interesting & well-written book The Last American Man, by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of the wildly bestselling Eat, Pray, Love) in which she delves deeply into the life of Eustace Conway – an utterly fascinating man and “a true American original.” Eustace Conway is an outdoorsman of truly mind-blowing capabilities & knowledge. The story of who he is & how he came to be who & where he is, is riveting.

Conway understands very well the phenomenon of circles & expounds on it in the book.(2) He also points out very convincingly that most of us these days live not in circles, but in boxes.

Gilbert quotes him saying to an audience of young people, “Do people live in circles today? No. They live in boxes. They wake up every morning in the box of their bedroom because a box next to them started making beeping noises to tell them it was time to get up. They eat their breakfast out of a box and then they throw that box away into another box. Then they leave the box where they live and get into a box with wheels and drive to work, which is just another big box broken up into lots of little cubicle boxes where a bunch of people spend their days sitting and staring at the computer boxes in front of them. When the day is over, everyone gets into the box with wheels again and goes home to their house boxes and spends the evening staring at the television boxes for entertainment. They get their music from a box, they get their food from a box, they keep their clothing in a box, they live their lives in a box! Does that sound like anybody you know?”(3)

Phew! He’s nailed us, hasn’t he?

He sure makes our box-like existences sound a tad less than appealing, doesn’t he?

Well, I muse on this kind of thing quite a bit, & I notice that our world seems to be in a wee bit of a mess (don’t you think?), and I wonder whether more of us might begin looking outside the boxes a little more.

It also happens I’m an obsessive collector of thoughtful & inspiring quotations, and I recall that Friedrich Nietzsche said, “Sin is that which separates.” I can’t help noticing that boxes (and the nuclear family, and consumer society & our proclivity to skirt around some pretty big “elephants” in the room/our lives/the world) definitely have the effect of keeping us inside our own little minds/world/boxes, feeling separate & too often, lonely, inadequate & downright alienated (which leads to all kinds of problems, but let’s not go there right now…).

And I think about the activists I know, & the truth-tellers, and the fact that a lot of us are people who are nudging us back in the direction of those circular processes. In my own life, I’ve seen how the magic of following my bliss (as an environmental activist & writer) has succeeded in making me feel very alive – very appreciated – & very much a member of a large & quite wonderful tribe…not just a small & rather inadequate (& aptly named) nuclear family.

I think too that people who are brave enough to tell the truth give us all a leg up & help boost us up out of that lonely box that confines & limits us, giving us an opportunity to find & join in more of the magical circles.

And for some reason, this reminds me of a sign I saw recently in a store window. You know how you often see signs that say “Help Wanted: Experience Required?” This one said “Customers Wanted. No Experience Necessary.”

This gave me a chuckle on a slightly lonesome & dreary day.

And now I offer it to you, dear Reader, as an invitation to climb up out of a life of boxes & into a world of circles.

No experience necessary; just learn as you go. As poet Antonio Machado said, “We make the road by walking.”(4) Let’s get walking!!

Janet

P.S. A few circular things I can think of: smiling, being friendly, being cooperative & open to collaboration, truth-telling, honesty. When we smile, are friendly, cooperative & open to collaboration, are honest & tell the truth, it seems to encourage the people around us to do the same. (There are vicious circles too, of course, & negative feedback loops – so since “what we focus on expands,” I direct my energy toward the un-vicious type as much as humanly possible.) Loving acts seem to lead to loving feelings – leading to more loving acts & … ‘round & round it goes.

P.P.S. Sometimes I notice that some folks seem to almost hoard their friendliness & their smiles. I don’t know if they think there is only so much of that kind of good feeling to go around – but in my experience, it’s quite the opposite! The more I smile & am friendly to people, the more they are friendly & smile back – & that makes me feel good, so I keep doing it, &…. you get my drift, hmm? Actress Sarah Bernhardt said, “Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.”

P.P.P.S. I wrote a blog post several months ago called “Hope – or Action?” At the time, I felt I was losing or had lost all my hope. I mused on it some, read some things, talked to some folks, & decided to start taking action. In taking some of the actions I took, I seemed to grow some hope (must say too, it’s young people’s energy that seems a critical ingredient – for me, anyway). That seems to me another lovely kind of circle. Turns out hope is a renewable resource, which is pretty cool!! Action > hope > action > hope, etc. etc. For sure too, the more we do, the more we give, the more we receive back. So yes, all of it circular, & also rather magical…

‘Quote of the Day’ with this post: “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” – Tuli Kupferberg

Readers: This post consists mostly of a letter I wrote to a provincial court judge after having been sentenced in her court – along with 6 other Toronto-area activists calling ourselves ‘People for Climate Justice’ – on February 23^rd. We had occupied Canadian finance minister Jim Flaherty’s Whitby, Ontario constituency office on November 30th, last year. We wanted to convey to federal politicians, just prior to the Copenhagen meetings, our deep concern & frustration about our federal government’s inaction (& even willful obstruction) vis-à-vis international efforts aimed at appropriate action on the most urgent issue facing humanity today: global climate change.

After spending about 6 ½ quite peaceful hours chained together in Mr. Flaherty’s office, we were arrested, handcuffed & taken to police holding cells & charged with 3 related offences. These were Loiter and Obstruct Persons in Public Place, Mischief – Obstruct/Interrupt/Interfere with Lawful Use/Enjoyment or Operation of Property (both Criminal Code offences) & Fail to Leave Premises (Trespass to Property Act).

We had a court date on January 14^th and then again a few days ago, on February 23^rd.

The judge gave us an opportunity to say a few words before she handed down our sentence(1), but I found myself feeling pretty intimidated by the whole situation, and refrained from saying anything. I’ve now written her a letter & have mailed it to her office. Here it is…

February 25, 2010.

Dear Judge:

I was in your courtroom in Oshawa the other morning, Tuesday, February 23^rd. I was there with my 6 co-accused on charges relating to our November 30^th peaceful sit-in at the office of Jim Flaherty, Whitby’s Conservative MP and Canada’s federal finance minister.

Ours was one of 6 such protests that took place across Canada just prior to the United Nations meetings in Copenhagen to discuss and find urgent solutions to the climate crisis. (Occupations also took part in the offices of federal cabinet ministers Jim Prentice, Rona Ambrose, Gary Lunn, John Baird and Andrew Saxton.)

I believe you suggested to us that we might find more law-abiding ways in future to express our frustration with the Canadian government’s (in our view criminal) lack of action on this utterly crucial issue – in fact, the single most serious issue and challenge ever faced by humanity! We did not really have the opportunity to explain to you that we have indeed each tried more “conventional” and “polite” methods.

I’m writing this letter to you now because, although you did give us the opportunity to speak up just before you handed down our sentence, I personally found the whole setting and situation more than a little intimidating, and so remained silent.

What I would have liked to say to you on Tuesday, in court, is this:

Your Honour, I am very proud of having taken part in the peaceful occupation of Canada’s finance minister’s office this past November 30^th. As a matter of fact, it’s one of the things in my life I am most proud of. I wish I had done more of this kind of thing in my life, because taking this action made me feel great! Apathy and inaction in the face of such a momentous issue and challenge drain our energy, while action is a powerful energy booster.

You commented that you suspected our action probably took us all a little beyond our usual comfort zone, and you are certainly correct in my case. Chaining myself to fellow human beings and being hauled off to a jail cell with my hands cuffed behind my back in a cold, hard paddy wagon is indeed not the sort of thing I do routinely.

But here’s the thing: I felt I had to do this. That it was the very least I could do in the face of our government’s appalling inaction on climate change and its (in my view) criminal behaviour in the Alberta tar sands.

Letters, phonecalls, petitions, peaceful gatherings on Parliament Hill – none of these have made even a tiny dent in our so-called leaders’ intransigence. When these conventional methods of expressing dissent in a democracy fail, one feels obliged to “up the ante.”

Another thing I want you to be aware of is how overwhelmingly positive the reactions to my part in this protest have been. People have offered effusive praise, and I’ve been told over and over that friends and family members are proud of me.

Canadians are disgusted with the antics of the Harper government. We all know we need to see serious action on climate change: targets, policies, legislation and global cooperation.

Yet our government sits on its hands, stifles dissent by proroguing Parliament, and embarrasses our country on the world stage (we’ve been labelled a “corrupt petro state” by world-respected writer/activist George Monbiot) with its appalling performance on this most urgent issue in the entire history of humanity.

I recognize that you are playing your own (perhaps quite principled) part in our legal system in the best way you can, and I do appreciate your intelligence and considerate handling of our case. The disposition you handed down was not an unreasonable one, given the original charges and the limitations with which you no doubt must work. I must say too, though, I do not feel the slightest bit guilty or ashamed for having done what I did. I’m proud of it, and I wish many more citizens would take similar coordinated action.

Yours sincerely,

Janet McNeill

P.S. Joanna Macy and Molly Young Brown have said in Coming Back to Life – Practices to Reconnect Our Lives, Our World, “Grace happens when we act with others on behalf of our world.” It’s true!

Note to blog readers: Other blog posts about the sit-in: Busted for Climate Justice!; Civil Disobedience Rocks!! 10 Observations; Civil Disobedience: Why did we occupy Fin. Min’s Office?

Also note: If you go to Direct Action in Canada for Climate Justice you can read up on the various sit-ins held in MPs’ offices across Canada last Fall, just before the Copenhagen meetings.

‘Quote of the Day’ w. this post: “When the Earth has been ravaged and the animals are dying, a tribe of people from all races, creeds and colours will put their faith in deeds, not words, to make the land green again. They will be called ‘Warriors of the Rainbow,’ protectors of the environment.” – Native saying

<written Jan. 24/10>

I woke up feeling pretty much like the proverbial “bag of s-it” this morning. There’s kind of a lot of heavy emotional stuff going on in my life just now. Details not important.

I hauled myself out of bed more or less by the scruff of the neck and forced myself to get out for a walk.

I was pretty deep into negative thoughts as I set out. “Oh poor me,” “How could s/he?” Not to mention a large dollop of self-loathing. “Why am I such a LOSER?” That kind of thing…

I didn’t get more than a block before I saw a man walking his dog along Queen St. (I swear there are more dogs than people in this neighbourhood). I very deliberately avoided looking at either man or dog (normally I’d have smiled at the dog, at the very least), & the thought immediately sprang into my mind that I was choosing to remain miserable. Self-absorbed. Wallowing in misery.

It was immediately crystal-clear to me that this was a choice I was making.

“Hmmph,” I thought. “Fine. I choose to be miserable and wallow in self-pity & self-flagellation & self-loathing. Right then!”

But on I walked, beside Lake Ontario, enjoying, in spite of myself, the waves, the trees, & all the darn dogs (& their people). Especially the little kids (what is not to like about youthful innocence & exuberance?? I mean…)

Pretty soon a few good thoughts came to me as regards how I might wrestle with the personal emotional storms I’m currently caught up in.

And then I thought, is it not so totally true that we are all prisoners of our own minds? And further, that this is a choice we make?

So, therefore, we can choose to “break out.” Figure out ways to navigate a little more fearlessly out of the messy emotional storms we all get caught up in, in this oh-so-human life we each lead.

Joanna Macy has pointed out in World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice & Ecological Renewal that “Choice is so important because it actually constitutes what it means to be a person.”

And also that all of humankind’s problems (& our individual ones) are mind-made. They are not real & immutable & rock-solid. They are really just ideas – thoughts & concepts in our heads.

So, we simply have to make the choice to change what goes on inside our heads.

*******************************************************

I’m not feeling like a bag of s-it anymore. I feel “human” again (although of course being human does admittedly encompass a wide variety of moods).

I feel as though there are some possibilities open to me as regards these all-important relationships in my life – and that’s a great relief, since, in my world, anyway, it’s the relationships that are really the whole darn deal.

So, I made a “prison break,” you might say, & stopped myself from feeling miserable. It didn’t take very long at all!

Janet

P.S. Eckhart Tolle & Byron Katie are quite brilliant (& down-to-earth practical) on the subject of how we each choose our thoughts & thus, can change them. I highly recommend Tolle’s book A New Earth & Katie’s Loving What Is – Four questions that can change your life. Both of these writers have been down inside the pits of deep depression themselves. They are writing about what they know, not some high-falutin’ intellectual exercise or airy-fairy spiritual mumbo-jumbo. They’ve been there…

P.P.S. Paul Dudley White, a physician who lived from 1886-1973, said “A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world.” I’m utterly convinced he was absolutely right. Walking is downright magical…

‘Quote of the Day’ with this post: “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” – Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth – Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

I expect there are some readers who already “get,” along w. me, that gratitude is a powerful – even transformative – force. And perhaps many who dismiss it.

Whatever! You can lead a horse to water, as they say, but you cannot make it drink…

For me, gratitude is something that comes up again & again, because I’m convinced it’s a wildly important thing for all of us to practice faithfully. Heads filled with appreciative thoughts tend to lose their negative ones, & how can we ourselves (& the world around us) not benefit from that??

Anyway, rather than start repeating things I’ve already said about gratitude in other postings, here is a list of the ones that focus partly or exclusively on the phenomenon of gratitude. Here they are, in alphabetical order & reached easily using the links:

• Ditching the Poverty Mentality
• Earth Day 2009 - Happy B(Earth) Day!
• Entitled: What Are We Entitled TO?
• Gratitude: A How To
• Gratitude: It’s Magic!
• Gratitude to My Blog Dude
• Hoarding & the More-More-More Disease
• If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is!
• Joanna Macy Invites us to “Show Up!”
• Life Philosophy (as of Dec. 10/09)
• Loaves & Fishes
• My Most Prized Possessions
• Radical Gratitude
• Speaking of Gratitude…
• The Magical Things
• Transformation Now! (Why Wait??)
• Wealth: nothing whatsoever to do with money
• What We Focus on, Expands
• You Made My Day! / We Are the Change…

Janet

P.S. Gratitude is even actually pretty much a radical act in this odd rapacious culture of ours. As Joanna Macy has pointed out, “Thankfulness loosens the grip of the industrial growth society by contradicting its predominant message: that we are insufficient and inadequate. The forces of late capitalism continually tell us that we need more – more stuff, more money, more approval, more comfort, more entertainment. The dissatisfaction it breeds is profound. It infects people with a compulsion to acquire that delivers them into the cruel, humiliating bondage of debt. So gratitude is liberating. It is subversive. It helps us realize that we are sufficient, and that realization frees us. Elders of indigenous cultures have retained this knowledge, and we can learn from their practices.” [World as Lover, World as Self – Courage for Global Justice & Ecological Renewal, Joanna Macy, Parallax Press, 2007.]

‘Quote of the Day’ with this post:  “Just to live is holy. To be is a blessing.” – Rabbi Abraham Heschel

Nothing? That seems to be what a very great many of us are doing. Sticking our heads in the sand. Like ostriches. Ignoring that very, very large “elephant in the room.”

Well, I guess we all feel a little scared, and/or overwhelmed, &/or unsure of what we can do about it.

Here are a few things you can do:

1. Sign the Greenpeace KYOTOplus petition. Then spread the word about it! Find it here

2. If you prefer, Nature Canada is gathering petition signatures too. Theirs is here (scroll down & look under the ‘Take Action’ heading).

(Note: only sign the petition once; otherwise it will have no credibility.)

3. Check out the wonderfully inspiring Guy Dauncey – his books, Web site, newsletters, blog and films. An extraordinarily energetic, determined and, yes, I’ll repeat myself, inspiring man, is Guy… His Web site is here

4. Check out Elisabet Sahtouris & her inspiring work. Her film “Crisis as Opportunity – Living Better on a Hotter Planet” is informative and hugely energizing. I can’t seem to find an appropriate link for this DVD, but you can order the film from Amazon.com (I also know that the Deep River, Ontario library has a copy, if that helps anyone).

5. Read Julie Johnston’s ‘Compassionate Climate Action’ blog here. She’s made a commitment to take at least one action every day, and until this December’s meetings in Copenhagen, is doing a daily post to her blog. Her messages are passionate, intelligent, articulate and practical.

6. Watch the film “The Age of Stupid” &/or “Be the Change” or one I just saw – “Home.” Yikes! There is a positive profusion of films you can watch… For a fairly comprehensive list, go here

7. Plan to take part in the upcoming October 24th GLOBAL day of action. Raise your voice so our politicians get the message that we want them to take ACTION. Find out plenty more at http://www.350.org/ (You can also read my blog post ‘October 24^th: We’re ALL Invited!’ Check the blog Index. Franke James has a neat visual essay promoting 350.org Check it out here )

For info on “Filling the Hill” in Ottawa (Parliament Hill here in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, that is) on October 24th, go here http://cday.atypical.ca/about/thebigday/

Toronto folks can go to Queen’s Park for a fun gathering there. For more info, go to http://torontoclimatecampaign.org/home  & look on the left-hand side under Events.

I’m working with some young people in my local area to fill up a bus of folks who are keen to take part in the October 24^th Parliament Hill event. It’s going to be a fun day!!

8. Take action in your own life! Drive less. Walk, bike & use public transportation more. Use less energy, eat local food and learn how growing our own food is going to be increasingly necessary (only if we want to keep eating. Heh heh). Sharon Astyk’s blog (and her books!) are very useful on this score (find a link to her blog in the Blogroll, over at the right-hand side of this page).

Tell our politicians your views, and be willing to back them up with your actions. As Albert Schweitzer said, “Example isn’t the main thing in influencing others; it’s the only thing.” Find out about & then implement lifestyle changes.

Ottawa Citizen newspaper columnist/editorial board member Kate Heartfield commented in a recent column entitled ‘Not ready to quit,’ “choosing not to act is itself an action, and carries consequences.”(1)

This is surely so. Failing to act has consequences. Failing to act is in itself an action (and a conscious choice.) Which side of the apathy/action divide do we choose to be on?

A Few Relevant Quotations:

“You can blame people who knock things over in the dark, or you can begin to light candles. You’re only at fault if you know about the problem and choose to do nothing.” – Paul Hawken, entrepreneur and author, The Sun (April 2002) – quoted in July/Aug. 2002 issue of Utne Reader

“If the world is to be healed through human efforts, I am convinced it will be by ordinary people, people whose love for this life is even greater than their fear. People who can open up to the web of life that called us into being.” – Joanna Macy

“If [oppression] is of such a nature that it requires you to be an agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law. Let your life be a counter-friction to stop the machine.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Nothing is more irritating, and, in the final analysis, harmful to a government than to have to deal with people who will not bend to its will, whatever the consequences.” – Jawaharal Nehru

“There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you sick at heart, that you can’t take part; and you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus and you’ve got to make it stop.” – Mario Savio

For sure, readers, I don’t have any guarantees that any of what I myself do (or write) will make the slightest bit of difference – and more and more, I find it harder and harder to summon hope about the long-term prognosis for the human race.

But I’ve always found action far more satisfying than apathy. It’s the very best possible antidote to denial and despair, for sure. As a young man named Jeremiah, whom I met at a John Seed workshop, said (he may have been quoting someone else), when hope is gone, there is still action.

I may not be able to “save the world,” but I’d sure rather go down trying than hang out on the sidelines, doing nothing!

Janet

P.S. Joanna Macy says things will turn out based on how we choose to “show up.” You can check out the blog item ‘Joanna Macy invites us all to SHOW UP’ (find it in the blog Index).

P.P.S. Alice Walker said, “Activism is the rent I pay for living on this planet.” Are you paying your rent?

<August 14/09>

I occasionally muse on how much of our psychic energy we waste in always making mental judgments about this, that and the other thing. (Of course, I’m as guilty of it as the next person…)

We leap to judgment constantly, without even skipping a beat.

I remember walking along a busy sidewalk one time and being caught behind a woman walking so slowly I felt certain she must surely be deliberately being a pain in the neck (after all, everything is all about me and my convenience, right?)

When I got past her, I discovered she was hugely pregnant, walking with a toddler. Then I felt pretty foolish for jumping to such a totally self-centred conclusion.

Another time, I had to rent a car to get to an event I was coordinating in a town an hour’s drive away. The only thing available was an SUV – a vehicle of which, as an environmentalist, I’m not overly fond. And I thought, “Yup. If someone judges me just because they saw me arrive in this vehicle, they won’t know how off the mark a snap judgment can be.”

Of course, Eckhart Tolle and the Buddhist writers are always reminding us to “be in the present moment,” and if we do our best to stay firmly planted in the present, there really isn’t psychic “room” for tons of opinions, judgments, resentments, inflexible plans, ideas, etc.

What brought this up for me this morning is this: I’m sitting at my corner table at my local coffee spot, which happens to overlook the drive-through lane.

I’ve been reading over and editing some of my scribblings. I re-use paper in my printer, and when I turned one page over, discovered part of an article from the Utne Reader (November/December ’93 issue) I’d recently trimmed out of my files. It’s about pollution and environmental injustice, and there was the photo of a woman with her young son, born with most of his limbs missing as the result of her exposure to dangerous chemicals while picking grapes in California.

I started crying (I’m crying as I write this); what are we DOING on this planet??????

And then I thought, anyone who drives by and who knows me at all might assume I’m crying over my own personal “stuff” – & that would be a very inaccurate conclusion to jump to.

Note to self (and others, if they think it’s worthy advice): Let’s try to just be.

Be here now.

The Christian admonition to “Judge not, lest ye be judged” can also help.

Janet

P.S. I’m glad my tears are flowing a little more readily of late. This is a healthy thing, I think…

P.P.S. Joanna Macy has pointed out that all of our problems are mind-made. Eckhart Tolle emphasizes this too. He says we tend to have “noisy minds.” I’d hazard a guess that some of us have minds that are positively deafening. I know mine is often pretty goshdarn busy. Some things do help still it. Walking, sitting by the river, canoeing and singing really help keep me present. For many, yoga and meditation are invaluable for this…

P.P.P.S. I recall writing a little essay once in which I said, “Jumping to conclusions takes too much energy!” A useful thought, maybe…

A Few Relevant Quotations:

“When I pray, I ask for guidance in my life to be the best person I can be, to learn what I need to learn, and to grow from what I learn. Always when I pray, I ask to let go. Letting go is the hardest part.” – Julia Butterfly Hill in The Legacy of Luna - The Story of a Tree, A Woman, & the Struggle to Save the Redwoods

“At this point in history, the most radical, pervasive, and earth-shaking transformation would occur simply if everybody truly evolved to a mature, rational, and responsible ego, capable of freely participating in the open exchange of mutual self-esteem. Then, there would be a real New Age.” ~ Ken Wilber

“There is only one courage, and that is the courage to go on dying to the past. Not to collect it, not to accumulate it, not to cling to it. We all cling to the past, and because we cling to it we become unavailable to the present.” – Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

“The criteria for success: you are free, you live in the present moment, you are useful to the people around you, and you feel love for all humanity.” – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar